January 10, 2020 at 1:49 pm #332591
I am fine, thank you. Snowing here second day, now raining. Reads like you are doing well, taking care of business. I like your daughter’s name, Ella. Going to see your parents, particularly your mother for five days, is it something you really want to do???
anitaJanuary 10, 2020 at 1:53 pm #332593
I’m not sure. I mean yes I do. I really want to see all my family and my dad’s dog. It will be peaceful I think. She is trying in her own way…somewhat. She wants me to visit. She is like her father they do not know how to show their affection.
LindseyJanuary 10, 2020 at 2:06 pm #332595
Then I hope it will be a very good visit, you seeing all your family and your father’s dog. If there is tension between you and your mother, I guess you will be able to focus on your dad’s dog and other family members. Maybe you will even go to Disneyworld yourself!
anitaJanuary 14, 2020 at 7:15 am #333345
Wow. Things really do come full circle. On Saturday M texted me asking how I was. I didn’t know who it was because I deleted his number so I was dumbstruck when I realized who it was. We chatted for a bit, he has a new job in a different state closer to his kids. I did call him out on his behaviors when prompted. He stated that he liked me, I had my moments, but ” you were volatile and it scared me.” Later that night he texted me but I didn’t reply. The next day I texted him asking what he was wanting. He replied “just checking to see how you were, nothing more or less.”
Trying real hard here to stay on track. My close friend feels like he is fishing, that he will text back later. I’m really trying here by thinking about the bad things he did.
LindseyJanuary 14, 2020 at 8:16 am #333373
“Things really do come full circle”, but you don’t have to come full circle: you don’t have to get back with M in any way, shape or form.
I am guessing he is lonely, having moved to a different state so he reached out to the .. old girlfriends phone book, what guys do when they are lonely and bored.
Do stay on track!
anitaJanuary 14, 2020 at 8:25 am #333375
yes, yes Ok. I agree. I’m staying on track. Should I block the number?
LindseyJanuary 14, 2020 at 8:32 am #333379
Yes, I think it is an excellent idea to block his number. Glad you thought about it!
anitaJanuary 14, 2020 at 9:35 am #333413
Ok I’m doing it now. I deleted it before…but this is much better. I’ll keep you posted looking at homes on Saturday with the realtor.
LindseyJanuary 14, 2020 at 9:51 am #333423
Well done then. Looking forward to you keeping me posted!
anitaJanuary 20, 2020 at 9:36 am #334317
I found a condo Saturday and bought it. Doing all the fun paperwork and getting everything set up. Making a “To Do List” Closing date is March 10th so I will move in after that. I feel a bit lost at sea. I need your guidance.
Saturday night I was falling asleep and got a text from my ex husband saying he had met someone 2 months ago and this woman had come over and met the kids that evening. Instead of saying something to me beforehand, I get this text. I told him I was not happy with how he handled the situation on Sunday when I went to pick up the kids. He failed to keep his pick up time and I dropped the kids off at the restaurant he and his girlfriend were at. I had somewhere to be at 3:15 and we had agreed I would drop the children off at his house at 3pm. It was a very awkward meeting and now I wish I had just kept them at home until he got home from his date.
It has been up and down for me since trying to process this information. I feel that it is inappropriate for him to have the children meet someone so soon. I would never have my kids meet someone unless I was in a very serious relationship. I don’t even want to date right now! I feel what he has done is selfish…maybe on purpose? We have been arguing. I’m hearing the classic “I’m a changed person now Lindsey. I’ve meet someone that doesn’t treat me like garbage. I’ve worked out my issues.”
This woman seems like a nice person but who knows someone after 2 months? She is divorced with a 9 year old son. They were introduced by friends at work.
I just feel protective of myself. I don’t want to be around people. What exactly is he discussing with her about me and my private things? I had a feeling this would happen, him meeting someone quickly and getting into a relationship/possibly married again very quickly. But he is abusive Anita and I have to sit back and just watch things unfold. What if they start arguing a bunch in front of the kids? I worry for my children. I don’t want them around someone I don’t know. The girlfriend will become his primary focus.
LindseyJanuary 20, 2020 at 10:23 am #334327
Congratulations for buying a condo, how exciting to be moving there in March this year, two months from now!
Regarding the latest happening with the father of your two children: you can legally stop him from doing anything that is illegal. It is not illegal that he dates or introduces the kids to his girlfriend, nothing you can do about that other than tell him that you don’t feel comfortable about him leaving the kids alone with any person he just met, be it a babysitter or a girlfriend. Tell him to make sure he knows a person well enough, that the person is trustworthy, before leaving the kids alone with that person. (Also, gently and calmly, in a casual way, ask the children who they spent time with and how was their experience.
Also, that he needs to keep his pick up and drop off times, just like you do. And that he should conclude his dates before the children are scheduled to be with him, so that you don’t drop them at a restaurant where a date is still ongoing!
Regarding his “classic ‘I’m a changed person now Lindsey. I’ve met someone that doesn’t treat me like garbage. I’ve worked out my issues”- no he didn’t work out his issues, nor is he a changed person, because if he did and was, he would take personal responsibility for his issues instead of blaming you and spewing out the repulsive passive aggressive statements in this very quote.
Maybe it is a good thing for your children if this woman “becomes his primary focus”, because being his primary focus may not be such a good thing. For example, if he tends to criticize the person he is primarily focused on, and she gets to be his primary focus, then he will criticize the children less.
“What exactly is he discussing with her about me and my private things?”- let’s say that he tells her what he said to you, that you treated him like garbage, that he was an angel and you were the devil. Imagine when she learns from very personal experience with him that he is not an angel. She will then be thinking that you weren’t the devil after all. Maybe she will want to talk to you at that point.
You’ve done well purchasing the condo and doing all that you needed to do to make it happen. You are doing well remaining employed, staying out of disruptive sorts of relationships with men, K and M before him, and the long distance other man, so you are doing very well. Keep at it, and don’t let this very soon to be ex husband spoil your excellent progress!
anitaJanuary 20, 2020 at 10:44 am #334329
Thank you. I am trying to get my focus back. I called and told him that I do not want the children to be around this woman again unless he is serious with her and they have been dating for awhile. Then he needs to sit down with me and discuss. He agreed….as of now.
So I am trying to grapple with not being in control in regards to my kids. I worry about them so much. I just really want them to be ok.
LindseyJanuary 20, 2020 at 11:01 am #334333
You are welcome. To see to it that your kids are okay, keep the communication with them going. Ask them questions in a calm tone of voice, and in a casual ways. Listen to what they say and if they say something you don’t understand, or something that alarms you, ask them about it, but again, in a calm, casual way. If they hear you anxious and alarmed when you ask them questions, they are not likely to give you the information you need. They may want to protect you from any information that will alarm you further.
So show them that you are calm enough and strong enough to hear their truth, whatever it is. If they tell you this or that and it alarms you, you are welcome to share it with me and I’ll give you my input.
anitaJanuary 21, 2020 at 1:15 pm #334448
I am feeling pretty stressed out. This new girlfriend has thrown me for a loop. I feel worry. Worry about him ignoring our agreement and having the girlfriend meet the kids without speaking to me again. Or worse, him having the conversation with me in one month that he’s ready and wants the kids around her on a regular basis.
I feel very overwhelmed and hurt actually. I’m not understanding why I’m hurt. Maybe it’s because we were married for a long time. I’m not sure about my feelings. I just know that I have that annoying heavy butterfly feeling in my stomach. I’m also feeling very tired. I have a day off in 2 weeks but I’m thinking about moving it up.
LindseyJanuary 21, 2020 at 2:18 pm #334452
Reads like what it is- is just what you wrote: “because we were married for a long time”- and this means there is still some emotional attachment that you feel for him. No indication of it in anything you shared in your 54 page thread except for when you wrote about him having a girlfriend, or maybe having a girlfriend (first time many pages ago and second time, on this page). It looks like you don’t feel any attachment to him except when you see him with another woman, or when you imagine him with another woman.
Being tired makes any distress more distressing. I hope you rest soon.