January 23, 2020 at 8:22 am #334648
I’m trying to understand why this new girlfriend bothers me so much. I feel like my feelings have layers. One layer is I know that he is pretending to be a person he’s not during the initial dating phase. Now it’s 2 against 1 and he is telling her things about me that are not true so he looks like the model ex-husband that’s always doing the right thing. I feel threatened because of my mental health issues. I’m afraid that he is going to build this new life and I am going to be the one that picks up the pieces. My parents think he is a good dad and would pick a decent girlfriend but when you abuse your wife you are going to do it again and I don’t want it to be in front of my kids again. I feel like I can see everything but no one else can.
I just feel very exposed. My stomach constantly hurts and I don’t really want to talk to people very much. I picked up my kids yesterday and am glad to have them around for a few days. I called in sick yesterday but I really don’t feel all that much better.
LindseyJanuary 23, 2020 at 12:30 pm #334670
This issue is definitely distressing you, partly because you are afraid of what your children will be exposed to (“when you abuse your wife you are going to do it again and I don’t want it to be in front of my kids again”), and partly because your parents think he is “a good dad and would pick a decent girlfriend”, and it invalidates what you experienced with him.
Meaning, you know he is not a good or decent man, and it is like you can see it but your parents can’t see it, or will not see it (“I feel like I can see everything but no one else can”).
My input today: I believe you that your ex husband was and is not a decent man. I don’t trust your parents’ evaluation of him. I trust yours.
“I’m afraid he is going to build this new life”- not likely, very unlikely. People who don’t have insight into their old life, who don’t make real changes in their thinking and behaviors, don’t build new lives.
Don’t listen to what your mother/ parents say about this man.. or about you, I don’t think they are reliable sources of information.
Try to relax best you can. You can’t control much of what happens, as in this relationship he started with this woman, but you can control what you focus on, to a large extent. Focus on your health because this is what is best for you and for your children.
And post again anytime.
anitaJanuary 23, 2020 at 12:55 pm #334674
Thank you Anita. You give the best advice all the time. Right when I need to hear it the most.January 23, 2020 at 1:24 pm #334686
You are very welcome, Lindsey. Thank you for your appreciation!
anitaFebruary 1, 2020 at 5:12 pm #336238
not sure where to start. Apparently looking back I was having a bit of my bi polar version of mania: reactive, decreased cognitive abilities (concentration, poor attention to detail, over tired, irritable) it happens every 3-4 months I think. The mania is a slow build up I don’t realize what’s happening until I crash. This has caused issues at work.
I’m terrified of either losing my job or getting poor ratings. The last year has impacted my performance at work. I have a new boss that is really wanting to help me improve. So far she has pointed out 2 areas of improvement and I’ve fixed them. Friday was a really bad day at work I was in her office for awhile. I can’t continue on this path and I’m so worried.
To top things off, this am I went to pick up the kids I pads from my ex’s house. There was a card propped up right in front of them-strategically places of course. And I looked. It was from his girlfriend and she said what an amazing person he is and how lucky she is etc. and that she loves him. They have been dating 2 months. It feels overwhelming having to deal with her soon around the kids etc. I feel so overwhelmed.
LindseyFebruary 1, 2020 at 5:25 pm #336240
I read just a bit of your recent post but I will be back to it tomorrow and reply then, in about 13 hours from now. If you want to add anything at all before I return, please do.
anitaFebruary 1, 2020 at 5:28 pm #336242
I’m also calling my psychiatrist Monday to make an appointment. I don’t think my meds are working enough.
LindseyFebruary 2, 2020 at 8:20 am #336292
I want to understand your situation better, so I looked up Wikipedia’s entry on bipolar disorder. I will ask you a few questions about what I read, not as a medical doctor or a health professional, which I am not, but for the purpose of wanting to understand what you mean by suffering from a bi polar disorder. (As always, you are of course free to not answer any of my questions).
Wikipedia states regarding bi-polar disorder (which is a spectrum of disorders: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar 2 Disorder, and Cyclothemia) : “The core symptom of mania involves an increase in energy of psychomotor activity”, or psychomotor agitation, which Wikipedia defines as “unintentional and purposeless motions and restlessness… Typical manifestations include pacing around a room, wringing the hands, uncontrolled tongue movement, pulling off clothing and putting it back on, and other similar actions. In more severe cases… (ex.) ripping, tearing, or chewing at the skin around one’s fingernails, lips, or other body parts to the point of bleeding”-
1. Is this true to you, this psychomotor agitation element?
It also reads: “Mania can also present with increased self-esteem or grandiosity… mania is a distinct period of at least one week of elevated or irritable mood, which can range from euphoria to delirium“. Regarding delirium, Wiki states: “It may also involve… perceptual disturbances (e.g. hallucinations and delusions), although these features are not required for diagnosis”
2. Examples from Wiki’s entry on delusions: believing that someone replaced all your internal organs with someone else’s, or that you are under constant police surveillance, or that a news anchor on TV disapproves of you, or that you are a god, or that an extra limb is growing out of the back of your head- did you ever experience delusions?
3. Hallucination are sensing (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, sensing) what is not really happening (including sensing such things as insects crawling under one’s skin or being touched by someone when there is no one there). Did you ever experience hallucinations?
4. Did you sometimes, while in a manic stage, experience euphoria- a sense of great unhappiness and well-being- for no apparent reason, as in out of nowhere, and for a long time?
5. Wiki states about grandiosity: “an unrealistic sense of superiority, characterized by a sustained view of one’s self as better than other people, which is expressed by disdainfully viewing them as inferior; and refers to a sense of personal uniqueness, the belief that few other people have anything in common with oneself, and that one can only be understood by a few, very special people”. Do you exhibit grandiosity sometimes?
6. Wiki states: “At the most extreme, a person in a full blown manic state can experience psychosis: a break with reality.. They may feel unstoppable, or as if they have been ‘chosen’ and are on a ‘special mission'”- ever experienced psychosis?
7. When were you diagnosed with bi-polar, what subtype and how does your ex husband use this diagnosis agaist you?
anitaFebruary 2, 2020 at 9:13 am #336296
Look up Bi Polar spectrum disorder and it will match up with me more. I’ve found through research that every person with bi polar has their own unique symptoms. Most also have anxiety, ocd, ADHD, etc. It can be very difficult to diagnose due to overlapping disorders. I do not have any of the classic mania symptoms.
I was misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder since 19. I was not given my correct diagnosis of bi polar spectrum disorder until about a year ago. Anxiety meds were making me have panic attacks which is a sign of bi polar. Also none of the mainstream anti depressants were working. In fact some of them made me more depressed. Busapar gave me panic attacks
lindseyFebruary 2, 2020 at 9:58 am #336302
You wrote: “Look up Bi Polar spectrum disorder and it will match up with me more”- I looked it up and there is no such diagnosis in the latest DSM 5 or the earlier DSM 4.
A “Bi polar Spectrum Disorder” is a term, or a concept, not a diagnosis.
WebMD states: “The bipolar spectrum is a term used to refer to conditions that include not only bipolar disorders .. but also other types of mental conditions that can involve depression or mood swings..- including some impulse control disorders, anxiety disorders, personality disorders, and forms of substance abuse.. Some psychiatrists find the ‘bipolar spectrum’ concept to be a useful framework for thinking about the wider range of mental health problems.”
There are only three bi polar diagnoses in the DSM 5: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar 2 Disorder, and Cyclothemia. If you were not diagnosed with either one of these three, then you were not diagnosed with a bi polar disorder!
You suffer from impulsivity and mood swings and other symptoms, but why take on the identity of being bi polar when you don’t fit any of the three diagnoses for the disorder?
February 2, 2020 at 11:09 am #336320
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by anita.
It’s what my psychiatrist says I have and it’s really the only thing I find that comes close to describing me I guess.
my impulsivity and mood swings are causing havoc to my work and relationships. Similar to bi polar when you feel great and stop taking your meds I do other things after a month or 2 like drink more caffeine, slack on exercise a bit, feel like I don’t need to talk to my psychologist as much.
All I know is that I’m sick of the roller coaster ride. I’m really down and worried I’m going to end up losing my job. It’s a very shameful feeling. I also feel hopeless because I can’t sustain a sharp mind and attention to detail.
LindseyFebruary 2, 2020 at 11:16 am #336322
“Similar to bi polar”, like you wrote. Not bi-polar. It is not a good idea to believe you are bi-polar when you don’t fit the diagnosis because you get confused, misunderstanding yourself, and when you tell others that, they will misunderstand you.
I know you suffer from symptoms that appear in many diagnoses: OCD, ADD maybe, bi-polar, lots of anxiety fueled disorders, but you are not bi-polar.
I will be away from the computer for a few hours. I hope you feel better soon. (By the way, I was diagnosed in 2011 with bi-polar disorder by a psychiatrist, a diagnosis that my therapist at the time disagreed with, and I disagreed with it myself).
anitaFebruary 2, 2020 at 12:45 pm #336330
I like the way you think. I’ve never fully thought I was one specific diagnosis but small parts of many. I’d like to know more about why your psychiatrist gave you that diagnosis and why you disagreed.
is there anything you can recommend for my impulsiveness?
lindseyFebruary 2, 2020 at 7:03 pm #336356
I want to come back to your thread tomorrow morning when I feel bright eyed and bushy tailed and write to you then (in about 11 hours from now).
anitaFebruary 3, 2020 at 8:25 am #336422
I am re-reading your thread (and the previous one page thread), this is why I didn’t post earlier, it will take me more time.