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This topic contains 386 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  anita 9 hours, 26 minutes ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 387 total)
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  • #286367

    lindsey
    Participant

    Thank you Anita I like talking with you

    #286425

    anita
    Participant

    Dear lindsey:

    I like talking with you too, so let’s keep talking- whenever you want to.

    anita

    #286483

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    how come there’s no manual for this stuff?  The reason I got into this situation is poor boundaries, low self esteem, and pretty much starving for attention. I think I was exactly his type.  I’ve got to get better with all of this.  I feel Like I need a life bandaid.  I’m going to start counseling I get free sessions through my work I  just have to wait about a month.  I don’t if the embarrassed will go away.  how can I not think about begging him to not stop talking to me? Telling him I won’t text him anymore, telling him I have issues….. and he responds I’ll pray for  you. After he said that I deleted everything from my phone and thought I’m going to bed at least it’s over because I couldn’t  have ended it myself.

    #286497

    anita
    Participant

    Dear lindsey:

    I came up with my own manual for this kind of stuff, put together rules for myself. For example, when I was on a dating site years ago, my rule was to meet men in public places, like a coffee house or a very casual restaurant, outdoor type, during the day for conversation, arrive there independently and leave whenever I wanted, not  just on the first date, but second and third.

    From time to time I recommend this to members on this site, as well as to not get physically intimate with a man they meet through a dating site for a number of months of getting to know each other without physical involvement. This one rule could have saved you the emotional pain of this recent short relationship you had.

    I sure hope that soon enough you will feel much better, that you don’t talk to him or communicate with him at all, and ignore him completely.

    anita

    #286505

    lindsey
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: center;”>Yes it’s common sense in a way but not.  Unfortunately only time will heal.  No reaching out I’d rather eat dirt.  I’m going to work on a list but no dating anytime soon at all.</p>

    #286509

    anita
    Participant

    Dear lindsey:

    I enjoy your sense of humor, the comment you made about the part he missed working out in the gym, made me smile (previous page) and the “No reaching out I’d rather ear dirt”. Talking about dirt I have to rake some dirt, literally in the backyard area. Will be back in about 14 hours.

    anita

    #286613

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    today was a pretty good day no work summer shopping for myself and kids.  When I was driving my brain did it’s ocd thing of wanting to go to a hole’s house and tell him all of the ways he has hurt me and should burn in hell but I did not go thank god.  Do you have any advice on how exactly I can feel better?  I want to throw my phone after daily good vibe/positive quotes on Instagram.  Those you were too good for him he has missed out he will try to reach out to you in 6 months is a load of crap.  He left probably at a run bc I was riding the crazy train.   How exactly would be a way for him to know I’m only slight crazy/emotionally scared/still a cool person in general?

    Lindsey

    #286623

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    To offer you advice I need to understand what you mean by the last sentence in your recent post: “How exactly would be a way for him to know I’m only slight crazy/emotionally scared/ still a cool person in general”-

    – do you mean that you want him to think well of you, to no longer think that you are crazy? I am not sure at all  I understand. I know yesterday you wrote that you rather eat dirt than contact him. Waiting for your reply.

    anita

    #286635

    lindsey
    Participant

    I have a constant worry that he thinks I’m crazy or unstable in general.  I want to get this point across but I will not go to his house 1. I’d have a panic attack there and not be able to talk 2. It looks weird in general to just show up 3. A normal person would probably be over this by now.

    So im wondering if I should actually drop off a letter at his desk when he’s not there yet.

    a counselor would say let it go and work on yourself but this roadblock is in my way. I’m a closure kind of person.

    Lindsey

    #286639

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    any type of contact is not a good idea.  He’s a introverted narcissist. There will be no kindness from him.  I’m getting there slowly lol.

    lindsey

    #286641

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I suppose you can leave him a note, because you are a “closure kind of person”. But the note will need to be very short, no profanity, no apologies, no explaining yourself to him, nothing about your worry about him thinking you are crazy. Nothing polite either.

    Something short and very, very sane. Something very true and straightforward. Can you come up with a few sentences? I will be glad to give you my input.

    anita

    #286653

    lindsey
    Participant

    Please give your input.  All I can come up with is i don’t want anything awkward at work so I’m going to try and forgive you for your texting remarks and behaviors.  I should not have started this at all.

    #286655

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    For me to come up  with a strong note,I will need to re-read your posts so to gather the information you did provide on the relationship. If you want to share a bit more about what happened, that is dry facts about what he did wrong (and right, if anything) to you, do so. I don’t want you to get upset remembering or reliving the upsetting events, so please, feel free to not share any more than you already did.

    I need to be away from the computer but when I am back, in about three hours, I will come back to you.

    anita

    #286657

    lindsey
    Participant

    Ok. Well we were together about 3 months.  I was still living with my ex husband in a coparenting type of environment that had been going on for  a year and half prior.  I’ve worked in the same department with him for 2 years.  I would see him in random places like target and at the mall.  He seemed nice we would chat and I started to get interested but didn’t really hit on him for 6 months.  Then we started Skyping at work then texting for a few weeks.  We didn’t go out on dates bc we live in a small town and I was still living at home and didn’t want people knowing or seeing us together plus we did not want anyone at work knowing anything especially sense my ex also works for the same company it’s a big company . I would go to his house and eat dinner play with his dog watch movies etc.  we talked quite a bit about life.  About 3 weeks in he said hey I really like you and didn’t expect this to happen but it really can’t go anywhere my kids are grown and your kids are really young and I’m done raising kids.  I was a bit confused bc in the beginning we both made it clear we were not looking for girlfriend/boyfriend type thing.  After that he slowly started to pull away and I got lots of anxiety and worry and started second guessing texts and everything else.  So I say to him I want to casually date and go places.  He said let me think about it. About 2 weeks later he texted  me and said “probably not” on dating  bc we r in 2 very difficult places and want different things and He doesn’t  date.  He said he has not dated anyone in 3 years since his divorce but casually saw 2 women.   So I have a break down which was the weekend of valentines and my 40th b day.  A week later I Skype him at work and ask to talk with him I go over to his house later and basically say I want things back to how they were.  After that he started to just be rude in general with texting.  2 weeks later I sent him a text with let’s to something Saturday and he got smart asking “why” twice. I got mad and he was MIA for about an hour text wise I texted him 2x called once and it went straight to vm. He then texted going off on how he was talking to his daughter who was more important than me and that “ more often than not when he saw me texting him his stomach would turn down instead of up.”  I tried to calm down the situation and asked to call him to explain my anxiety etc but he wouldn’t answer.  I said that I felt awful by how he was texting and acting.  I said obviously I have issues from my marriage which he knew some of it.  Then he just said he knew I had issues and would pray for me and that we were just in completely different places in life and that I shouldn’t feel awful about anything and said goodnight.  I never answered and deleted his number and the texts.  I’ve ran into him once face to face and I had a disgusted look on my face and looked at his chest as he had to walk around me.

    #286659

    lindsey
    Participant

    I feel like there are some things I’m leaving out but I don’t want to get too personal. I will say he’s a loner, brags a lot in my opinion, very alpha male. Very confident in what he does and in his decisions.  Gives you the impression he’s an a hole until you talk to him and he’s cool to talk with.  Not attached to anything moved away from kids to different state after divorce.

    To be honest  there’s about 4 good looking women in my office and I’m one of them.  I used that to feed his ego and get his attention.  I told a lot of jokes.  I think I may have been in a manic state when I started flirting/hitting on him.  But my mania is panic attacks, poor boundaries, irritability, drop in focus, poor decision making. It’s on the spectrum.  I’m an extroverted introvert.  Not a lot of close friends we had a lot in common as far as dogs, movies, people, life.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 387 total)

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