Hi joanna.s,

Wow, there is so much here. Do you mind if I number my thoughts?

1. You have to internalize that your mother failed in her role as a mother. In a fundamental way. You have to find a way to internalize that “OK” stamp.

2. The Bible has this idea of God as your actual Parent. (Or the Universe, if you will.) There is even a line where, “Though my father and mother abandon me, You take me in”. So view yourself as literally a Child of the Universe. A Child of God. When your parent fails, The Universe swoops in. And it has, hasn’t it? Look harder.

3. People move all the time. Move and don’t tell anyone. Then when they bring your old place up say, “Oh it wasn’t working out so I moved closer to the city or to a real village with shops, etc.” Be bored when you say it as if you moved years ago.

4. Get your license. Even people who hate to drive, or claim to hate to drive need one. It’s another form of identity and makes life so much easier in any case.

5. The Universe has given you its “OK”. You are an adult. You are here. You are well. You made it, despite everything! Imagine you are a forest creature. Forest creatures shuffle around, complete in their forest creature-ness. They aren’t tormented that they aren’t forest creature enough. They just are, dammit! And they will fight if their mother tries to take their food. Ha!

6. Maybe take a break from talking to your mother. Then you can hear “you” more clearly.

7. If you want to study psychology, you can! It’s not too late! I promise you! Thirty? You’re not old!

Best,

Inky