“Upon my multiple senses of selves I also feel like it adds my consciousness who now wants to get better/

I fear I don’t have a soul or a center in me, that I can’t think normal thoughts without imaginating that I’m saying them to someone else and imaginating myself from their point of view/

Memories and images, ‘vibes’, that pop up but I can’t understand if it’s my mind making them up or they come from reality (things I may have seen, dreamt, thought, or a mix of this)/

As I try to fall asleep, it’s like my mind makes up songs, book phrases, places and scary thoughts like: what’s your true face/place, where you are most real (and stuff like this, it’s scary that I can’t find a specific point to this)/

As I fall asleep, my mind can imagine me or a “sense of me” that is physically distant from me/

I definitely feel the detach between my inner self and my interacting/real self, if now I tried to focus on what I say to Others or show to Others I feel the split as it wasn’t the true me and it makes me panic as it makes me think I may Always have showed off a self to my family&friends while my true self is something new and strange to them/

Panic if this state of existential confused fear may repeat in my life causing even more disasters in me, in the way I perceive life with its dreamy memories and vibes, I fear I Always have been in danger in a sick existence/

Feel like what happens to me externally is a mix of my personal inner world. If I see something I fear it may return as an abstract or dreamy memory and so I fear I may no longer set apart reality from this muddle of stuff/

I fear I may not be human and that I don’t have a life like Others/

I feel confined in a state of confused and undefined boundaries/

Panic that I feel there’s something sick and crazy and wrong in my life like it’s non linear (panic increased by existential futuristic movies with time loops, lappings, non linear stuff) it makes me nauseating and so it does that reality is different from everyone point of view, that reality is not just one, I fear I may not exist./

It frustrates me how fragile and weak I am emotionally, like I’m on border of insanity and a life without real pains. What’s wrong with me, why am I like this? I fear there’s no remedy, not even Death, there’s something abnormal about my feelings I can’t trust them…

…especially when it comes to my high school crush. Why did I trust my friend opinion body and soul? My only contact with him was in my fantasies and in what my friend said about him. Did we even see the same reality? I spend a huge part of my life imaginating myself from his eyes (or how I imaginated him seeing me) what I am, beside that? I fear so many abnormal little weird things happened in my life. What I say is nonsensical, my life is nonsensical/

I fear I only ever lived in my mind without contacts with the outside world/

I fear little dumb things I’m used to do: pulling thin hair, moving my finger as I was writing randomly words I’ve been thinking or I dwell on them doing weird gestures and  grins fantasizying

I fear how my mind organizes things and reach conclusions before me or Beyond my own understanding,/

I can’t believe to something for real or pray for real. It’s like my life and thoughts are a little show with my own self like I’m hyper aware or my mind is omnipotent

There’s no me Beyond me imaginating myself or myself from Others point of view. When I think ,feel or do things it’s like I Always watch myself do these stuff/