Dear Anita,

Is this all my feeling problems is caused by my mom..?

Actually i dont really understand about this part :”If you become aware of your original pain, if it comes up from underneath, bit by bit, the pain will lessen and lessen over time”

How to make the original pain comes up..?

Is that okay if I’m not seeing the psychotherapist for this time..? Could u please help me to aware of my original pain..?

Do you thought that i feel low self esteem, etc is because of my mom..? Btw, actually my mom left us when i was still a toddler.. around 4 years old.. i can’t remember her face, and didn’t want to see her picture. So.. for several years, i didn’t know where she is, how is she, and her face. Until oneday, after my Father passed away, i met her. She cried when looked at me, but i don’t know i cant cry..

Years by years without her, i feel really hate her. Some family, siblings, etc ask me, “do you want to see ur mom” and my answer always the same.. “No”

My father’s family also always blame me if my house is dirty, i can’t cook, i can’t take care of my father, etc.. actually i also didn’t look like another girl, that have cute stuff a lot, that have hairstyles and cosmetic etc, I’m still feminime, but i looked didn’t do self care. And sometimes i don’t  understand the way to do self care/girly stuff. Even when my father passed away, he is really skinny. And his sisters that is my aunty, rather blame me, she said that i can’t really take care of my dad. Even though, i’ve tried my best to take care of him.. every day i always worried and don’t want to see him suffering.. for me, my Dad is everything.. i always put him as my first priority. my life before is really dark i think.. my Dad’s economy also not really good but still enough luckily.. so, those days, we concern about money more than another thing else.

Until after my dad passed away, someone told me, if i forgive my mom, my future will be more good. Healthy also for my psychology. When i was at home, i pray.. that day i really forgive her.

I hope i can be cured Anita.. i want to be normal.. to think normally and wisely..

Thank you Anita.