It’s a pretty lengthy letter.. so I’m thinking about posting it in paragraphs if that’s okay. I will remove all names just for privacy, but I’ll post the first part. It kind of talks about how we started dating and how I felt about walking away from it a few times after some stuff happened (red flags). Here is that part. I wrote this section the day after we facetimed and I asked him to hear me out. He was so cold, and he completely told me he just didn’t want to talk about it anymore. That’s the day I decided that I needed to do this on my own and move on.

“Dear X,

I am writing this to you because I need to get closure and let go. There’s a lot of stuff I feel I never got to say, and you were so stubborn the few times we talked that you were done hearing me say it. So I’m writing it down, I think it’ll help. I’ll probably go through all these different emotions as I write this, I’ve been a rollercoaster these past few weeks. So here it goes. You put me through so much shit.. but I only have myself to blame for that as I let you. I should’ve known when to walk away, but I was so caught up in feeling like hanging out with you, talking to you, dating you just felt right. I’ve never felt that before.. the feeling of “I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing with someone else.” Why I felt that with you? I don’t know, and it was so weird because you’d always bring up your deja vu and talk about how you just felt like it felt right because you’ve lived it before. I never brought up how it felt for me, as I kind of used what you would say as words of comfort whenever I felt like I didn’t want to try with you anymore. And I felt that, maybe like 2 or 3 times throughout our time together. I felt it when I first started dating you.. you were so refreshing and you just wow, you would lighten up my moods, my days. I didn’t want to let that be, because I wanted to be selfish and keep living my life only worrying about myself. You had me though, and it took me much longer to realize that. I felt like quitting once more the day after you asked me to be your girlfriend, and well I won’t get into that. It’s like I had this whole idea inside my head of you, that you were just different and that you really cared, and maybe you did, but what we went through that day, or at least what I went through that day, felt like I was falling from the top of a mountain. I should’ve walked away the, I should’ve listened to the red flags, but I didn’t. The second time I felt like walking away was on New Years. I realized how much I cared about you right before that and well seeing (girl he cheated on me with) show up made me feel like maybe you hadn’t changed, or that you had been hiding something from me. Now I know I was right. The last time I felt like I wanted to walk away was when I found out you had cheated on me. Don’t think I’ve experienced heartbreak like I did that day. I’ve never been cheated on, so I didn’t know how to react. I had the expectation that you would respect me enough to not do that to me. I see now that I was wrong, and although it pains me, I’m glad I found out. I’ve passed it around in my head over and over again, and all I can say with 100 % certainty is that I would not want to end up with someone who is willing to hurt me the way that you did. ”

Thanks,

Alejandra