Dear anita,

how nice it must be to live in a forest! Hopefully some day I can also live closer to nature. At the moment I go for my walks on a small path by a brook and on a graveyard. There are also lots of trees and plants and it usually calm there. But today there were also a few people out, must be the weather.

Regarding the laundry: I doubt that the detergent destroyed the machine. Firstly, there was already a problem with it before I moved in. Even though it was new, it was sometimes leaking. Secondly: on the internet it says that it not damaging and even less aggressive than normal detergent. I found a report from people using it for four years and they had no problems. The chestnuts get soaked in water overnight, then I use a filter to pour the water in. So no small pieces get in. Thirdly, I have not used this detergent in months (at least since January). I always forgot to soak the chestnuts in time, then I ended up using my normal detergent. So I only used it a number of times.

However, I can understand that such experiments can seem weird to others. And that they could think that it is damaging. I am often doing things such as foraging herbs and mushrooms, using baking soda for cleaning and such things. It is probably best to reduce my efforts in the community rooms. If we fight over this, it would only cause me stress. Of course, I also do not want to destroy the community property with some experiment. So it will probably better to clean in a more common way and not overdo the cleaning efforts.

So far, they have not said anything to me about the laundry. I only overheard a snippet of the conversation, when they were in the hallway next to my room. So I do not know anything about what happened, I also don’t know the context, so it shouldn’t be any of my business until they approach me.

About thoughts: yes, I still worry way too much about other people’s thoughts or sometimes my own. I wish I can reach someday the point of not worrying about thoughts! And it is also o:k. to be weird or different. And actually I like doing these “weird” things, like foraging, wearing colorful clothes, listening to all kinds of music from around the world… And I want to do more of those things that interest me without shame (as long as they do no harm of course). I like those things, so I should embrace myself with my interests and feel proud of it.

About my therapist: You are right, a therapist can also be wrong She is only human too. I am not sure if she is wrong or if I just misunderstood something though. the next time I see her, I will talk about that topic again and question her about what she meant.

I also think that you and my therapist have different ways of thinking. She is using “positive psychology”. Her world view is very positive and she shows a lot of empathy for people. I am not sure if I am explaining this correctly. She seems very tolerant, has books from authors from different cultures in her room. But at the same time, she can also point out if somebody has behaved arrogantly towards me. Overall I respect her opinion and feel that she is able to help me. Most of the time I feel understood by her. She seems to really care.

But one thing… sometimes the thought came up: I wonder if she ever experienced what it is like to be bullied or abused? I hope this doesn’t sound arrogant. Surely she will have her own hardships, but I don’t know, sometimes I wonder if she can really relate? Of course I don’t know anything about her life and it is more professional this way I think. I hope this doesn’t sound arrogant.

Yesterday I told her about things that had irritated me during the past days. The paused contract, also the thing with my roommates. There was more I told her. The tap of the laundry broke recently. The landlords asked always to turn it back after washing. When I wanted to use it, it didn’t work, it couldn’t be closed anymore. I told my roommate about it, and she already knew. The other roommate had already told her. She said that I must have closed the tap too tightly, as she used the laundry machine after I used it. They did not accuse me or anything and even said that it could have happened to anyone. The tap is old and the janitor already did something to it before But still it bothered me a bit that it automatically was decided that I closed it too tightly. I have not done anything out of the ordinary to the tap, just used it.

Then also my roommate seemed a bit too happy when I told that I will visit my parents for a week or more and she had already asked before if I will visit them soon. This worried me a bit if I was a bother.

O.K., I will admit that worrying about such things is petty of me. While I told those things to my therapist, she made an angry face (at least I perceived it that way) and took notes. I guess that those things are why she thought I lacked empathy.

I do not know if empathy is the right word. I can understand that my roommate is probably just happy to have more space for herself and that living closely can sometimes be difficult (like my therapist said).

What I do wrong: I think about small things like this way too much. I often take things way too personally. Most likely others do not think so much about me. Maybe I could have more empathy for their situation. Maybe it is a bit self-centered of me to think that others worry so much about me.

Maybe sometimes I have empathy, when somebody tells me about their life experience. And I have the strong wish to be there for and understand others.On other occasions I probably could have more empathy. For example the girl that ignored me. Maybe she just had a bad day and I should not take it personally.

What I definitely should do less: trying to understand others motives by using my imagination. I sometimes have too much of it. If possible, I can ask them directly. Then I will be able to understand the situation better. Or if this is not possible, I should remind myself that I sometimes misinterpret situations and make a big problem out of nothing. Better then to somehow calm my thoughts down and distract myself.

And like you said, sometimes people are just not empathetic. I should not ask perfection of myself.

I will talk about this session with my therapist next time I see her, so I can understand better.

Thank you for the time you took to read and respond. Sorry that it was so much today! I felt the urge to respond and clarify more.