Dear Jessi:

Limerence is a term coined in 1979 by a Dr. Dorothy Tennov, a psychologist who researched romantic love and wrote the book Love and Limerence- the Experience of Being in Love.

Wikipedia has a long entry on Limerence. Here are quotes from the entry:  “Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies.. Limerence can also be defined as an involuntary state of intense romantic desire.. an involuntary potentially inspiring state of adoration and attachment to a limerent object (LO) involving intrusive and obsessive thoughts, feelings and behaviors from euphoria to despair, contingent on perceived emotional reciprocation… a near obsessive form of romantic love… attractive characteristics are exaggerated and unattractive characteristics are given little or no attention.. creating a ‘limerent object’.

“‘a kind of infatuated, all absorbing passion’ which is unrequited… It is this unfulfilled, intense longing for the other person which defines limerence, where the individual becomes ‘more or less obsessed by that person and spends much of their time fantasizing about them’… Limerence may only last if conditions for the attraction leave it unfulfilled.. it is the unobtainable nature of the goal which makes the feeling so powerful.. it is not uncommon for those to remain in a state of limerence over someone unreachable for months and even years.

“Limerence can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair, depending on whether the feelings are reciprocated… limerence deeply desires reciprocation, but it remains unaltered whether or not it is returned… early, unhealthy attachment patterns or trauma influence limerence.”

I didn’t read the whole entry and I didn’t read the book, but regarding the last part I quoted, what I figure it means that behind limerence is an early life trauma, in childhood, where the child was separated from the object of his attachment, usually a parent, in some way that was traumatic for the child. The child grew up craving the absent parent (physically absent or very unavailable), and that craving awakens in adulthood in the context of limerence.

anita