@Shelbyville if you need to dump your emotions to ease the anxious thoughts you can. I’m working from home this week so can reply promptly. It is nice to not think so much about my own shit, makes me feel like I’m normal again eases the pain for a bit, it is why I was enjoying the offtopic conversation of romcoms or men/women behaviour with Tim. So I’m happy to help you figure things out. The contributors on this thread especially yourself have been so kind to me.

Acceptance is a huge step, so come on give yourself credit!! You have chosen to let go even if it is not what you wanted. You could have still chosen to try and reconcile but you know it is time to move forward now rather than being in denial. It is sad to read you still don’t have the self-confidence and worth to state you deserved more because I read the thread and you really did.

What are you scared of exactly? The rejection or being lonely? Or something else?

Because you have the scarcity approach and combine that with your low self-worth you are ending up being needy. Just tell yourself you the worst-case scenario will be rejection, if that happens tell yourself you’ve survived it before, you can again. You are the prize too, you should both feel equally happy and proud to have one another and feel you both shouldn’t lose one another.

Can I ask some frank questions? Don’t answer if you don’t want but it may help you.

1) Have you been intimate with him and he feels distant now?

2) When you had the panic attack why didn’t you let him know even if it meant waking him up when you were asleep? These attacks are a part of you that he will need to accept and it would have given you an insight to see if he meets your needs.

3) There is definitely a communication barrier, it is like you are both walking on eggshells around each other and because you are so intuitive you are picking up on things, he should have communicated he was mad you arrived so late and had adult conversation to nip it in the bud, instead it seeped over and clearly he was still holding onto it for him to still be bothered days later after your time together that he mentioned it in the call.

You need to be wary that you don’t fall into old patterns of bending over backwards to appease.

4) Why has your new job thrown him? Are you seeing each other less as a result? If so, try and utilise technology. Distance is never a barrier in committed relationships. No relationship should stop you from being independent.

5) Could it be you both have expectations without having actually defined the relationship? Maybe a calm heart to heart on Sat after a chilled fun day may alleviate both of your concerns. Without the same level of communication, you will run into problems if not now further down the line.

6) Do you think you are ready for a relationship? You still seem to be seeking approval and happiness in a partner that will lead to issues. Neediness is easily detected and can turn people off. You need to head into a relationship feeling strong, strong enough that if it doesn’t work out you will be disappointed but not feel so petrified of feeling dejected to the heights of the last relationship.

Love requires risk, you may get hurt but rejection should make you stronger not destroy you. You have to also ensure what you are seeking is love and not validation x