Dear anita,

thank you for always taking time out of your day to read and reply.

I am already feeling better. I have spent a day with my best friend, she now has more time again! We cooked together and went for a long walk. It was nice to see her again. Today I also did o.K., painting, cooking some celeriac schnitzel with oven fried potatoes and I also did Yoga and went to a sports class and read a little. Tomorrow I will go to therapy which will be helpful.

If I follow your definition of not being behind in life, I think I have already made some progress there. I have managed to like myself more and follow my interests more. But many days happen where I still waste time online and not using my time very well. But o.K., for example today I did pretty o.K.!

About K: I think my head was a bit of in a haze after meeting him. I was looking at the potential of what the relationship could have been. But how was it really? It did not feel like a true relationship at all. I was not feeling well, there were not many beautiful memories of companionship and time spent together enjoying each others company and being there for each other. It was me, it was him, it was the circumstances, but at the end of the day it did not work out. It was more worrying myself into insanity than a loving relationship. I don’t think that I had too high expectations either… I just wanted to spend time together and share life. But we both were not very open with each other.

Anyways. I think that I could not have asked for a better ending and I can be relieved now. We talked and ended it properly. He even said to me that he has nothing to be angry about. We wished each other well. I never expected this to go this well, he even wrote more than one sentence in reply to my message that I can’t imagine staying friends with an ex. In the end, our communication improved. I think it is also because now I was better at expressing what I want. I said I wanted to meet only once and at a park or cafe, not at his home. And I stuck with it. Also, I was no longer afraid to be myself, to show myself more. I could be kind and still stand up for myself.

Just, that the better communication made me question for a moment if things would have worked out better, if I had been more myself from the start. If there was better communication and understanding for each other. But I guess it will be the most reasonable thing to move on. We have a good ending, better not ask for more! I am glad that this could be resolved, I should be able to move on now.

I think now I should become more open to meeting new people. Maybe not dating, but making some new friends or learning about people. People from all different walks interest me and I think I can learn from everyone. But I really have been hiding myself, for a longer time, because I did not feel good about myself. Now I am learning that I am o.K. and maybe I can become more courageous!