I met a guy on bumble in March this year, we instantly clicked and exchanged numbers. We started talking on the phone and FaceTiming everyday. Due to the pandemic we didn’t meet till May. On our first date, It was fireworks and our chemistry was amazing. Since we had gotten to know each other already things were very natural. I ended up spending the night with him. The next day he asked me out again and it kind of became a thing where I started spending every weekend at his place. We made it official as bf gf.

Now the issues, he’s 28, I’m 34. Before even starting to talk we talked about this and age didn’t matter to either of us, he always thought I looked much younger than I am anyways. We spoke about what we want from this and I let him know that I’m looking for something serious  and I would like to settle down. I also made it clear that I’m not looking to date for years and years.  He said he’s not the same page.

first few months were amazing, he met my friends, they all loved him. After so long I thought I finally found someone that I like, I’m attracted to and I could see a future with him. He showed the same feelings towards me. Off course we had little arguments but nothing major. Stuff like you need to call me everyday and why didn’t you text back for 3-4 hours.

Since we met in May, we spent every Friday Saturday and Sunday together till August. He started making other plans or not wanting to see me on the weekend. However he wouldn’t tell me in advance so I’d almost be waiting for him to tell me what’s going on. The real issue started when I asked him to meet him brother, since I’m spending so much time with him, I understand if he’s not ready to meet my parents. We are indian so it’s a huge deal to meet parents. He said no to meeting my brother and I felt like he shouldn’t have, we were practically living together 3-4 days a week for the last 3.5 months. In that time I helped him move, we celebrated his birthday. One thing I realized is tht besides his roommate no one knew about me, no family, no siblings, no coworkers.  He didn’t have many friends because he moved here from Boston.

after the argument of meeting meeting my brother, he didn’t call or text me for a week. I asked him if he’s going to stop talking to me over an argument. He said he’s not sure if he wants to talk or not.  I asked him what he meant.  Like are you breaking up with me? Or not talk today? He didn’t reply text or call for a week.  I didn’t try either because he never responded to me wanting an explanation. A week later he messaged me on Instagram! Not even a call or text. Basically saying how miserable he was without me. But he also said he stopped himself from reaching out?!?! I dunno why.

After speaking to him and taking some time to think, I had decided I should meet him and break up because I can’t be with someone that will just leave or think it’s ok not to call or message or talk to you GF for a week.

when I met him for dinner he knew he messed up and said that he missed me and he’s sorry. I told him I can’t trust him, what if he does this again and he told me he loves me and his time away made him realize that. He also told me that he will be telling his parents about me (once again huge deal for Indians, we only introduce bF or GFs if we want to marry them).  He even told me that he wants to marry me and he sees a future with me.

now you might think this is all too fast, but culturally it isn’t.  Also we weren’t going to get married for at least a year, we had previously discussed all these things. Along with kids, income, where we want to live. So it wasn’t a shock that he said he sees a future with me. I decided to give him a second chance.

fast forward to Sept, I asked him if he has told his parents yet and he said no he would this week. for the holiday weekend he made plans with his relatives, however never told me till I asked him let’s go away or do something, this upset me so much.  He doesn’t need my permission but as your partner, run it by me or inform me or ask me if I have anything going on.  The next day we spoke and he said he wants to spend the weekend with me and that plans weren’t confirmed with relatives.

We spent the entire weekend together, we went on day trips, we had an amazing weekend. Almost a month since we told each other we love each other. I noticed small changed in his behavior, not being touchy feely as we usually are, however nothing so alarming.  I asked him if he told his parents about me yet and he said no he will. At the end of the weekend I asked him if I can stay over Monday night as well, because I was planning on surprising him with a winery day and we would both call in sick at work. He didn’t want me to stay.  I felt upset and unwanted. We went to dinner and I was disconnected and upset.  He didn’t bother to try and make things better. After dinner he just left without talking about what happened and also knowing he was upset.   The next day I got one text from him in the morning and nothing after.  I called him and asked him if he’s planning on disappearing again since he didn’t call or text me.  He said he needed space, I asked him like how?  He said I don’t know, then I asked him if it’s about him telling his parents about me? I asked him if he wants to, he said yes he does.  So I got frustrated at the whole situation and told him not to call me till he tells his parents.

the next day no call or text from him, I called him in the evening and was just upset that he wouldn’t even try and talk to me.  He then told me he thinks things are not going to workout, I was like what? He’s told me he doesn’t love me and he doesn’t know if he wants to spend his life with me. I asked him why he said all those things to a month ago? He said he didn’t want to lose me. I asked him if he’s ok with losing me now? He said he want sure. After all this he told me he didn’t want to spend the weekend with me and that he did just so we wouldn’t argue and he said he said those things to make me happy  and he felt pressured.  I never pressured him to tell me he loves me and wants to marry me. After our conversation he said let’s take some space and I declined and wanted to just break it off.  He agreed.

I was left so confused and devastated. How can someone tell you they love you only to tell you they don’t a month later.  I reached out to him to get closure or a better explanation since this was over the phone, I am in love with him and had so much pain and guilt and so many things going on in my head. I don’t know when or where his feelings changed. Why would he say those things and why is he breaking up with me after a good weekend together, over an argument.  He told me he would never leave me, even if his parents had an issue with my age.  All the promises, broken.  I’m hurting so much.

i reached out to him a week after , he didn’t answer, I reached out again last week (1.5 month later) to get closure and he didn’t answer but he texted me saying he will call me tomorrow. He never called. I don’t know how to feel or what to do.  Should I move on or keep trying to talk to him?