Hi @Kkasxo

You’re not far from St Pancras! The view from Alexandra Palace at night over London 👌 you have given me a date night idea! Let’s hope I’m not getting ahead of myself.

We are both living in London for work near Chelsea. So I’m a Southerner but can’t claim to be a born and bred Londoner!!

Thanks mate for your viewpoint. It really helped me re ask if I’m doing the right thing by her. I do care about her even though my past actions don’t reflect that. I really admire and respect this woman. I promise you the very last thing I want to do is hurt her further.

I’m sorry you feel that about your Mr A. It seems you’re stuck in a rut or reached an impasse, so resentments kicked in? Maybe it’s time to assess if he can really give you what you want. What is it you want? I.e. if you want marriage and mini mes and he can’t then maybe it’s time to take the brave decision and separate. If you love each other I’m sure you also don’t want to hold each other back from finding someone who can give you exactly what you want.

Just from a male pov it seems he has shown loyalty at least to stick by your side, you said you are best friends. I think that’s the basis for any long term relationship. Over time that initial magic or honeymoon phase always wears off for everybody. You have someone who you can be authentic with, the value placed on authenticity in the young gen has seems to be lost. Is it possible to reignite passion and create new memories. Maybe a move to a new city?

Then again if he is not actually trying to tie the knot by now and that’s something you want, you’re wasting your time. You’ll regret it no matter how much you love him because fundamentally you don’t belong together so go find someone who will, you deserve that.

I’m all too aware that loving someone is never on it’s own enough. I loved ‘A’ with all my heart but you need more than that for a successful relationship.That was pure first love but it’s not the love I want anymore. The love where two people keep pushing one another to grow, step up for one another and actively keeping the passion alive is what I want. Keeping it 💯!

With ‘B’ we never got physical to that point like you and Mr A. Funnily enough that’s an advantage, I think. With us the first time around I don’t think is the same as your situation where you were committed, exchanged I love you’s and loving memories were created over a span and then a reconciliation tarnished them.

‘B’  and I had a deep soul connection. We clearly cared about each other a lot, the chemistry was there but before it could really get off the ground or we could develop the deeper romantic attraction, I did the perfect job of sabatoging it.

We would if she allows be creating a relationship from scratch, with individual growth not holding us back and experiencing a lot of new things. The ‘I love you’ will be the first and forever I hope.

I spent 4 months really on my own searching for what I wanted. I was so exhausted. I had become weary with the chase and dating.

I asked myself what do you want Danny?? What makes you feel and be better..I started confronting the hurt ‘A’ left which made me feel it would never be enough. I started confronting my behaviour with ‘B’, I started to confront my real feelings for her. I had convinced myself she wasn’t for me for so long but when I sat alone and faced it, the more I did, the more it brought to surface I had everything I actually wanted and needed in a long term partner. Then that pain you get, the sinking feeling just overcame me. I couldn’t believe how much I had hurt such a wonderful person.

For the brief period she was in my life, although I was a dick to her. She saved me from drowning, she made me want to be better. I treated ‘C’ better because of her. With ‘C’ it just felt stale, I didn’t have a woman who really got me and wanted to really grow and push each other. I had the physical side of the relationship but it still wasn’t enough.

I began to realise my battered soul needed more, I had been wrong. Like Tim and my bro said it’s very rare you meet a woman with emotional understanding, generosity and class like ‘B’

I realised for the first time I wanted a real adult relationship with a woman who cares, gets who I am and emotionally understands me more than I wanted the physical side. That was a breakthrough for me a man who is so red blooded. ‘B’ is the only one who showed me that.

I’m not just caught up on the idea of it all. I’m tired of the drama in my life. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I think it takes men time to reach this crossroad. I really believe if she gives me the chance I’ll be walking down the aisle with this lady. I’m not scared anymore to commit to that. I’m proud to say if we got together and she didn’t find it working for herself in any way, as much as it would hurt, I’d be happy I was courageous enough to make amends. Courageous enough to try and give it the chance it deserved. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what if.

I strongly believe we have all the ingredients to not even hurt each other and actually create lasting love.

I just don’t know how much longer I should sit on it? I know I’m not the finished product there will be more growth but I believe it’s something we can do together. She really keeps me in good form.

Is there anything else I need to ask myself? Anything else I need to do. I don’t want her to ever feel what you feel about Mr A. Reconciliation efforts.