Dear Jem,

You contradict yourself. You convince yourself that you think that he should be in charge of his life, yet YOU yourself decided for him that he has little ambition to speak of, which you don’t like. But if what he is doing is enough for him, then why the need to worry? Why should there be more? When you decided to choose this relationship with your boyfriend, you’ve made a decision to choose the good things and a decision to choose the bad things. So now you have to make a decision. You have the good thing, but will you be okay living with what you deem as a “not so good thing”, i e the lack of ambition? If you can’t, that’s okay because compatibility is wanting similar things. But your boyfriend’s choices are not your responsibility to worry about unless he had asked you for your support. But even then, it’s out of your hands. He made a decision and he has to take responsibility for the consequences.

Regarding your ex, it would benefit you to seek professional help. There are an arrays of counselors, life coaches and spiritual teachers who can work with you on the issue of letting go.

Good luck.