Lula doll, by trying to answer all these questions of why you are leading yourself to place where more questions will arise. You will never be happy with answers because what you need to do is accept it happened. It can’t be changed and focus on what is best for you.

I Your morals and values were clearly not aligned. He was aware of what he was doing. How can a person not see he is discussing sexually intimate things with a girl who is not his girlfriend? Like you said this was acceptable for him, so he felt indifferent to the consequences. In your case it made you feel emotionally closer to him as you obviously wouldn’t discuss things like that with any boy. He needs to grow up, learn about respect, loyalty and mature.

You need to let go and not excuse or explain his actions no matter how much you love him. People do crappy things and sometimes it’s the people we love the most. You need to work on yourself, heal your unrequited love and see the lessons:

1. Never allow anyone to disrespect you. You are worthy of being loved fully for who you are. You are not a side piece.

2. You have a lot of love and capable of unconditional love. Save that for someone who will treat you the way you deserve.

3. Sometime when we are loyal it is very hard to let go. However knowing when to quit is an important part of growth too. Now it’s time to part ways and heal.

4. If he was your person none of this would be happening. He would have treated you with respect and not indulged his desires. He would have valued your friendship.

5. Don’t let this stop you from achieving your educational goals and becoming stronger. With time and reflection he will realise his mistakes and make amends. You owe him nothing. He needs to redeem himself and that’s through self work and growth.

I’m being blunt because I feel you need to hear it or else you’ll stay stuck in this denial. Accept what has happened and let go. You’ll blossom 🌸