Dear Peace,

thank you for sharing some more or your very interesting story! If I am understanding it well, you actually felt loved and supported by your parents. However, you were very much hurt by the behavior of your siblings and cousins, and your parents’ love couldn’t make up for your feelings of lack. You said earlier that you felt so miserable that at some point you prayed to God to die (“Even though i had not a happy childhood, i felt unloved, wished to be dead because no one shows me affection, appreciation, care, love apart from my mom… I was very sensitive… I used to cry alone nd used to pray to God for death in childhood…”).

So it appears that you felt unloved not because your parents didn’t love you, but because your siblings and cousins didn’t love you or show appreciation to you. Your siblings (7 sisters and 1 brother) were mocking you (“criticized me in fun way which hurted me“) and were jealous that your mom loves you so much (“my other siblings were actually jealous because my mom loves me alot”).

Your cousins and aunt insulted you and humiliated you because you were poor. They didn’t want to offer you tea or take you in their car with them. By the way, did they treat your other siblings like that too, or just you?

It could be that the voices of your siblings and cousins, who were many, overpowered the voice of your parents. So you focused on not receiving love, on not being appreciated by them, rather than on receiving love and being appreciated by your parents. You took one part of your childhood experience and made it your whole reality. And you suffered because of it a great deal. This is how we often operate – we focus on the negative, and forget or take for granted the positive experiences.

You say that later your sisters actually helped you and enabled you to go to study abroad. One of them sold her gold, and the other one took a loan so you can go abroad. So although they might have mocked you when you were children, they were generous and supportive of you later, as adults. Or at least they supported you materially. Do you feel they support you in general or they criticize you for how you live your life?

Right now I don’t want to return immediately to the subject of your boyfriend, but for now, perhaps just try to re-frame or take another look at your childhood experience of feeling unloved. Because in reality, you were actually loved by your parents, but you chose to focus on being unloved by your siblings and cousins. You focused on the pain and lack. Try to see that you were loved as well, try to go back to the positive memories and focus on the love you received in your mother’s lap, when she fed you and cared for you, when your father was kind to you, when he told you he wants education for you etc etc…