Dear lk09,

you left him a really loving message here, it shows you care a lot about him and his well-being. But at the same time, you’re right not to reach out again and repeat the same cycle… he needs to be willing to help himself first.

At home, nobody is asking for my consent anymore. They didn’t ask if my relationship with him ended or not, they are like since the choice was between my sister and this unknown man… Obviously our daughter will choose her sister and so they started telling me about different boys suitable for arrange marriage.

Have you told you parents you’re not interested in an arranged marriage but want to marry out of love? In one of the previous posts you said that you kept your relationship secret from your family:

we never did even have a chance to live how normal couples do, with love and without worries of what our families would do if they knew we are still dating.

I know you were on and off, so I guess that was one of the reasons you kept it a secret. But still, perhaps there’s a part of you that is afraid to claim the right to love whomever you want. I know it’s hard in the Indian society to love freely without being obliged to your family, but perhaps it’s time to stand up for yourself and claim your right to make mistakes on your path to finding true love. It’s very rare that we immediately find our companion for life, and we’ll trip over and experience heartbreak, but it doesn’t mean our parents know better and that arranged marriage is a better solution. It’s definitely not. So perhaps stand stronger in your determination that you don’t want arranged marriage and are capable of finding the right person for yourself, even if it takes more time and some trials and errors.

Regarding you being withdrawn and uncomfortable in a larger group:

I have difficulty enjoying myself with everyone as well. It is not just that I have difficulty sharing my mind with people, I have difficulty even enjoying myself in a group. I become awkward and I notice that people avoid my company as they feel I am too serious.

It’s possible that one feels awkward in a group, and can only truly open in 1-on-1 relationships, like you can. I am also like that, being much more comfortable in the company of one, max two people. This can be partly due to your personality, where you want to connect more deeply, better understand a person, listen to him/her, and create a deeper bond. And you’re not able to do that with many people at the same time, because you’re not the kind to like superficial chit-chat and just throwing around jokes.

However, if you feel truly uncomfortable and perhaps even judged by others while in a group situation, you should look at that, because there might be a self-esteem issue there and feeling not good enough.