Hi Anita

Thanks for being there to listen

1.yes you have made absolutely right judgement on me, I m someone who is very particular about what kind of vibe each and everything in my life is setting in me that includes the things that I do and the people I am involved with

2. I am not sure in which area would you liketo know my values,

But I ll try to be relevant to you with my answer,

So the thing is I have a lot of friends, but a very few close ones,

And incase of a male friend I am even more careful, because I have almost always had a bad experience with getting close to a guy friend that they kind of start having feelings even though they know I dont feel that way. And then it no longer stays the same.

Incase of this friend of mine, lets call him X,

I had this idea of him that he is actually a gentleman, and he is mature enough to know the boundaries of a friend ship with a female friend(which I still think he knows clearly, but behaves like he has no idea, because around 8-9months ago, whenever we used to talk abt any other guy friend of mine, he could very easily make judgements on their intention which often use to turn out to be true)

So I had always trusted him in our friendship of 1.5 years, he was a guy friend I never had trouble opening up to because I always thought that he is someone who would neither lead anyone on and infact, someone who actually understands me, where other people could seem to be a bit naive in judgement (for example when its about standing up to something wrong, he had been my support always)

So I respected him. And i have this clear demarcation of what is expected to be the boundaries of a friendship

I dont go around heavily flirting with my guy friends, ofcourse one or two of them casually flirt once in a blue moon, but not the kind I allowed this to be like,and  we always used to only have one on one conversation , when actually X is a very introvert guy even though he hasa lotof friends he never used to hang out with them so much.

So i don’t know if this help me answer ur second question or not 😅 but please do let me know

3.its a continuation to 2.

X and I have known each other for more than 1.5 years, we were really good friends always. Now, until this time (when we started getting close) , honestly my idea of him used to be, he is some onewho is emotionally not very expressive, who isnt into deep conversations, but is a great friend who is really humble.

So i had never really tried to get very emotionally imvolved with him even a s a friend . There was a time during this phase, when he was suddenly so much into his work that he didnt contact me for a month, and I was hurt then, but I didnt push anything, i had let it pass and waited for him to contact me on his own, but since I never used to bind my friends with any expectations i used to let it pass and be just casual fun friend..

Now during the month of November and December , he used to almost everyday assert it very clearly how much i meant to him. Even if I used to help him slightly, he used to act too much grateful always, and he used to shower me with compliments almost always, used to be there for me during stressful times, and used to actually make sure that I get my work done by sitting with me always there. He used to actually tell me that he was very much over his ex. And whenever I would ask him anything related to her, he actually used to open up to me, but used to ask me not to go there further because he wasnt ok with sharing the personal details. But apart from that his ex would hardly ever come up in our conversation

Now, I was obviously a bit smitten by this caring nature of his and all the sweet things that he used to do for me, although i used to have my guard on, about not getting too much revealing and emotionally attached so easy.

But I began to think that if such a guy who has never been so expressive, is actually making an effort to be that, then maybe he genuinely cares a lot and is into this. So I started opening up to him, trying to make sure if I am actually comfortable around him.

Although i never wished to ask him directly because I knew that he had just been through a break up like 5months ago, asking for commitment would be too much for me as well as for him.

So I decided to wait amd get to know him better, but I wanted to keep having the same level or intensity of communication that we had in the vacations.

But eventually (since he was a workaholic) he started decreasing the frequency of our calls.. Even though we used to talk to eachother everyday on text, our calls as well as what I felt, the quality of conversation werent feeling good, in the two months that followed I eventually again started feeling anxious about sharing things with him.

And i let him know that because I wanted to really makesure that this be something that he wants too.

I ve had complained to him once or twice that I thought je should have called me today or so, and that if he feels that I am overexpecting then he should let me know, I wont be angry.

But he used to always give me the sense during those conversations, that I am not being overbearing and that maybe he should call me daily and tell me everything etc.

So, here for me.. I would never do that for “just a close friend” And i thought the same abt him and infact i know that about him, that X is a person who doesn’t allow ppl to interfere in his personal space. So I naturally thought that he indirectly wants to tell me that he likes me but maybe just not ready enough to confess.

And apart from these conversations there used to be his weird expectations that I talk to him first before anyone else if I told him i will call him back or so and let him know whenever I am gng out (which is kind of what a boyfriend would say)

So, but somewhere these inability to match each other’s expectations and gng round the circle discussing the same issues each and evry week, got into my head, it made me unable to focus on my self and also trying to become someone he would appreciate more.

He used to keep gng hot and cold on me every now and thn. Which was becoming toxic for me, although he seemed very much fine and into his work

I realised it was maybe because of this confusion, whther we r something or not, because this shouldnt be happening in case we r just close friends.

So , I couldnt wait any longer, I had to decide one of the side and thus I confessed.

So that allowed me to gain a clarity and free myself, but I could never believe his reply, I actually genuinely thought he was into this.

And then it struck me, that if all of this never meant  to him as crossing the friendship boundaries, did I even know this person? Was he even ever a friend or was he selfish enough to let our friendship be ruined for his personal means?

Now here is the thing,

This really broke me, he is one of the only two friends of mine with whom I have tried to stay in touch everyday, (the other is my bestfriend )  and now it shatters my self esteem that I could allow someone to have this much of my attention and affect with their toxic behaviour in my life. I feel bad that i thought i could trust him with myself, that even though guys have this tendency of leading girls on, he is not one of em.