I dont think i know how to get out of this addictive cycle about this man. He is very much part of my memories and experiences where i live and without him my life has become a lot duller, less exciting and more mundane. Its just true.

I want to move on and meet new people but im so disappointed whenever i try. I dont click in the same way. I do understand, that if he was in fact a narcissist, that his intention was to get me hooked..and it worked.

My sister and i are really opposites. I think she needs a lot of attention and i dont. She hides her emotions and shares very little of what she feels and i tell my friends and former boyfriends everything. I always entertained myself and my sister seeks out company. My sister is in fact like my mother and they clashed when she was young. But now she is older, she craves that attention from her. Both of them have partners they can manipulate ..men who are willing to do things for them. Ive not learnt that skill and had the opposite experience…

I know my ex was not mine, i wished he was but he told me many times he didnt want that and felt tied down. Yet, he is with other women who want more too. When i first met him so many years ago i told him i wanted a family and to have someone with me…but he just used me.

It sounds like you are looking for instances from childhood that could describe the feelings i have but i dont find them. I NEVER hated anyone when i was younger, i dont remember any strong emotions then. My parents were seemingly very caring and met my needs if not my sister´s so i dont remember anything like getting angry i got the wrong christmas present, i was always happy with what i got and didnt need more. Maybe this is in fact the cause, feeling so comfortable with how my parents provided for me that i never needed to look for something else?? I think my sister is still angry at this..she said my relationship with them was unhealthy. There is no sexual or abusive issue, but simply that i got on with them and she did not. My sister gets angry and irritable very quickly..i dont think that is just with us either but we never hear anything from her partner who seems very distant. But i have always been a “smoother”, at home i was the clown.