Dear Javier:

“My therapists said .. the depression stems from my childhood. And, since I never addressed the situation, things kept piling up. Unfortunately, I’ve learned to think in a negative pattern, and everything looks ‘grey’ in my world”.

Your negative thinking and feelings (anxiety and depression) originated in your troubling childhood. During your adulthood “things kept piling up”: more troubling experiences took place, from your girlfriend’s abortion in your 20s to getting sick with Covid, losing your job, apartment and car in your beginning 40s.

Now, you are back living with your mother in the same apartment where you grew up, and “so many memories and flashbacks” come up for you, and understandably, your anxiety and depression are elevated.

You wrote earlier that therapy did not work for you because “we used to overanalyzed the negative parts… dwelling on what was wrong”- you need to analyze the past some, not to overanalyze, and you need to acknowledge what was wrong in the past, not to dwell in it.

Not having analyzed and acknowledged what was wrong in your childhood, you ended up dwelling in it figuratively and literally.

anita