Dear Javier,
sermons and audiobooks probably serve a double purpose for you – they calm your nervous system down, and they also give you guidance and inspiration. You had neither during your childhood – neither peace and calm, nor a good role model to give you guidance.
At one moment, I feel there is hope and I can heal myself and relieve the pain. But the very next moment, everything looks grim and literally the end of the road.
Right. You might be able to help yourself to a point, by soothing and comforting yourself, but it’s probably not enough. Probably you’d need a therapist, and best would be somatic therapy, which Katie suggested earlier.
You said you had a bad experience with therapy. Could it be because the therapist didn’t help you calm down your nervous system? If if twas CBT, it would have been quite rational, working with the mind, but not on the body level, which you very much need. If you’d work with a somatic therapist, you could avoid this trap.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 