Dear Jack:

Yes, I would like more information: can you describe in detail her “hot and cold behaviour”?

(I will be back to the computer in about 11 hours from now).

anita

Dear Jack:

You had two dates with a woman. First date she asked to split the bill, you wanted to pay the whole bill, and you did. She paid for the second date. Red flags were raised in your mind when (1) she told you: “I’m scared of you because I want you too much”, and when you asked her what she meant by it, she repeated:  “Because I want you too much”, (2) you suspect that she is playing you by behaving “hot and cold”, hot being that she is very affectionate with you in private, and cold is that she is not affectionate with you in public.

I don’t see any of the above as a red flag (a warning of a bad or dangerous situation). Reads like she is physically and emotionally passionate about you, and that, like she told you, she “doesn’t like PDA”, meaning that she is not affectionate with you in public- not because she doesn’t like you, and not because she is being dishonestly manipulative- but because she feels uncomfortable about strangers/ others seeing her being physically affectionate with a man.

The problem I see is that you and her seem to be very anxious people. This means that there is a need for simple, honest and clear communication between the two of you- it will cut down on your over-thinking, and the two of you will know what to expect from each other, neither one will  there will need to guess about what the other means and wants, and there will be no unpleasantly surprises. There are books and maybe good online resources teaching how to communicate within a romantic relationship.

anita

Dear Jack:

It looks like the logical interpretation of her sentence is that she is indeed scared of you ending the beginning relationship (“worried I’m going to disappear on her”). I am guessing that in her mind, you are powerful and you can use your power to hurt her by ending the relationship, so she is afraid of you, the powerful  one.

Last night she didn’t have the patience to come to your place after you finish your meal, “she asked if she could come now“- reads like she formed a strong emotional attachment to you.

You wrote that she told you that “she’s anxious too and overthinks”- I wonder if she told you more about her anxiety and overthinking, if she is willing to give you more details about her anxiety (?)

anita

Dear Jack:

The get-together with the mutual friends was agreed to take place at 4:30 pm tomorrow, and then she said something about 6 or 7 pm. What exactly did she say to you about the time, and what did you say to her before and after she said what she said?

Also, approximately, how old are you and how old is her (in your 20s, younger or older)?

anita

Dear Jack:

The date this afternoon for 4:30 pm was cancelled, and a new date set for morrow, she wanted the date to be at 6 or 7PM- I am not understanding the logic behind you thinking she is playing you?

If she was playing you, what would be her purpose?

anita