Dear anita, Dear TeaK,

thank you for your kind and fast answers!

I took a week off to meditate on it and i reached the same conclusion. It is just so hard to believe that it wont get better than this.

about holding grudges: i know that they hurt me and i would wish they would acknowledge it instead of pushing me into this role of the unthankful, cold child. On the other hand, of course i feel guilty: it is somehow tempting to believe they are right and i just have to fix myself to have a loving family.

Luckily i am in a good place: i have a loving boyfriend (5years), good friends, a home and a steady job so i really do hope i can work myself through this and close the chapter.

Thank you a lot again!