Dear Javier,

thanks for sharing some more. I don’t know anything about psychiatric drugs, but anita posted earlier that there are drugs that can be used with someone who has a history of addiction. Are you currently struggling with addiction?

I am sorry that you’re in a bad place mentally and as you said, “living in the past, stuck in the past, stuck with only awful feelings and bad memories. I have managed to program my subconscious mind to only think negative things.”

That’s probably why journaling left you exhausted and too fatigued to have a productive session. They probably shouldn’t encourage people to journal if this only exacerbates their state..

I believe your subconscious mind is stuck in the survival mode, in the old childhood trauma from the first 5 years of your life. I think that’s where your fear of dying and losing your loved ones originates from.

You as a child felt helpless and you feel helpless now. Your subconscious mind is in the same spot, reliving the same old trauma as if it were happening right now. It’s as if the fire alarm were broken and signals danger even when there’s no danger. That’s how your subconscious mind is reacting – like a broken fire alarm, left on ON the entire time.

Your conscious mind trusts the signals from the subconscious mind and believes it’s the entire reality. It believes you’re doomed. In reality, you’re not doomed – rather, you need to switch off the broken fire alarm. That’s how you can stop the subconscious from hijacking your conscious mind.

One way to silence down the broken fire alarm is via somatic therapy, as I’ve mentioned before. But first you’d need to believe that your conscious mind is hijacked and that there’s a way to retrieve it.