Dear Martaza,

I hope you don’t mind if I reply in your thread. If so please disregard this message.

Suicidal thoughts and living in isolation has been a theme of my life I call it history on repeat. What keeps me going is the science of building new neuron pathways. Our minds are flexible and the more we repeat things the new neuron pathways grow. I’ve spent years trying to make new memories new moments that aren’t fill with dread or the past coming to haunt me. There would be times I would become angry if someone hugged me because it felt so foreign and like a lie. It is hard to believe anyone cares when all you knew was what was dealt to you at a young age. Because of this I try to keep my mind as open as possible because my sense of the world can be skewed by fear.

do you like animals? Does looking at the sky for clouds and stars? Everyone is different but I have found this to be a safe space and peace of mind. I hope you can feel safe.

if I could go back in time 10 years ago when I was in my darkest hour of wanting to escape I would say you deserve to live and the best revenge is not letting the scars define identity. I don’t know if this is applicable or relatable to you but thought I would share because sometimes we need alternative evidence to see differently.

best wishes,

zeeza