Hi Sapnegi,

I totally agree with what Matt has written to you for advice. You need to love yourself. I know where you are coming from, I was there almost a year ago. I went to see a therapist to discuss my feelings and thoughts, it helped a lot to hear what she said, which is basically everything said in Matt’s response. I found talking to friends and seeing friends helped a lot, going to yoga classes, basically doing things that I love to do. Now is your time to work on you. Have you heard of Christine Arylo? She has two books out: choosing me before we – great book, kinda helps you figure things out about yourself and relationships; the other is madly in love with me – this book is awesome! it has exercises to help you learn to love yourself again. 🙂

Definitely take it one day at a time, the antidepressant should help lower the intensity of your thoughts so you can do your work to get better. It isn’t an easy journey, but you can learn a lot about yourself and what you want out of life now. Do something that you love to do. Take care of yourself, be your own best friend.

Hang in there!

Lucia

hi there,

Reading your story was like re-living my own break up. I was dating the LOVE OF MY LIFE or so i thought. We met 3 years ago and our first date was as cliche as it sounds: MAGIC. We connected so well- great conversation, same interest in terms of music and travel, and the thrill of living life like its an adventure. I had never met any guy i clicked so well with. Anyhow, fast forward three pretty awesome years later, he moves to another state for work and i move later to be with him. It was tough to move to another state because i had never moved away from home but i was ready for the challenge and after 4 months of a long distance relationship we felt we needed to be together again. I seriously thought that i was going to marry this man. Yes! we had our fights and we realized that we didn’t have so much in common but the love we felt was strong enough to keep us together or so i thought. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago saying that we just weren’t working out anymore, the passion had died, and that i didn’t challenge him enough. Now i must say that both him and i have screwed up in the past and there was always a feeling deep down inside of me telling me that i needed to be on my own because i had self issues i needed to fix. But foolishly i ignored putting myself first and thought that the relationship would fix me. But on the contrary it made me lose myself. I was willing to do anything for the which meant forgetting about myself and putting his needs first. When i started the relationship i was 23 and on the verge of discovering who i really was but then i met him and my self development took a break. I was learning how to love myself without having anyone tell me that they did. I was a very insecure kid growing up and unfortunately i carried this until my adult years and into relationships. So back to the break up- this absolutely shattered me the first few days were rough like you said- no sleep, food or peace! After the breakup i realized that i did so much to make it work, i mean i put the relationship first and forgot about me- yes this was stupid because now i realize that in order for a relationship to work: it all starts with yourself. One must truly love every inch of themselves without needing compliments from others to value yourself. Self love is the greatest love because from that stems love for others and vice versa. I often times ignore my gut telling me that i was putting too much into the relationship without getting much back from him. All in all what i did to help me get through this break up is i realized that it failed because it wasn’t true love when it is your other half will not leave you behind, you both will make it work not just one person. I’m taking this time to get to know myself again, i was turning negative at the last few months of the relationship because i was not happy. The relationship totally consumed me. Now it feels great to focus on myself again and do the things i love. I’m finding myself again taking time to do all the things i always wanted to do. I think you should take this time to empower yourself and create the best you. The you that doesn’t need a man to tell you that your are beautiful, smart and incredible. You need to feel those things from within. I still have my sad moments where i think about him but one thing that keeps me going is reminding myself that ” whats meant to be will be”. This breakup happened for you and i for a reason it is up to you to choose to make that reason a positive one. Believe me i know your pain, i felt lost and helpless also unworthy. But here i am deciding not to give up on myself or life. There are so many great experiences to be felt the relationship did not and will not define you. Do the things you love sapna and love will follow. I hope i helped you in one way or another.

I’m glad to hear that you are striving to keep going! Same here the ex told me when we broke up ” i will always be attracted to you” and i thought that was the most awful thing he could say. He didn’t really value my other qualities. But the past is the behind now and I am focusing on myself. I love that quote by Carrie Bradshaw as i think its very much relates to me. Lets keep on remembering what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger . I also can’t wait to fall in love but this time with myself. I am not dating for a gooooodddd while as well. Next time i get into a relationship i want to be secure with myself as this will lead to a good relationship with the RIGHT person this time.

enjoy the path that you have embarked as it can only bring you back to you! 🙂