Dear Felix,

I am sorry you’re feeling sad. But it’s normal – you hoped for a relationship with her, and she rejected you once, then she sparked your hope again, only to reject you once again.

I feel so much unfairness, as i think she’s not as sad as me…

She probably isn’t, that’s why she decided not to pursue a relationship with you. The person who initiates the break is never as nearly as sad as the one left behind. That’s the nature of breakups… I guess her feelings for you were less than yours for her, otherwise her parents couldn’t influence her so much. Because you said they didn’t really forbid her to date you, but only advised against it. But she readily accepted their advice, and even told you she doesn’t want a long-distance relationship, with your visiting her from time to time. If she cared about you enough and didn’t want to lose you, she would have been open for a LDR, to be able to get you know you better, face to face.

I too was in a LDR for 5 years, meeting my now husband approx. once per month. You two will be living only 45 minutes apart, it’s nothing. But she refused that, which means she doesn’t really want to deepen the relationship with you and get to know you better.

I think that you should accept the fact that she’s just not that into you, even if she’s told you differently. Her actions and her attitude (rejecting a LDR) speak more than her words…

Do u think if i hope to fate everyday that i will be brought into the right path with her will only cause bad influence to me? Will it only remind myself of her?

I don’t think it would benefit you to hope and pray for you two getting together. It would only prevent you from finding someone else, someone better… You yourself are very young, she is your first crush, your whole relationship happened online, so it wasn’t even a real relationship since you didn’t really go on dates, have you? I dare to say that you practically haven’t experienced a real relationship yet.

You say you’re madly in love, but you haven’t even held her hand, have you? You are in love with an image of her, and also with the feeling you had while interacting with her: you felt appreciated, you felt someone values you and shows interest in you. You desperately needed this kind of attention – positive attention – from people, because you haven’t received it from your parents. She provided it for you, and it made you feel loved.

But it doesn’t mean she is the one for you. There are other girls out there who might like you and appreciate you, and want to go on dates with you, and even plan a future with you. You’re only at the beginning. 22 years is super young. As I told you once before, even at 32 you’ll still be young. You’ve got 10 years to work on yourself and find a suitable girl. There is no rush.

I know that i should focus on improving myself, but it’s so hard to stop thinking about her…

I know, because you tend to overthink and obsess about things (your internal saboteur!), and she is another obsession of yours, which your mind easily slips into. You start thinking and overthinking until your brain explodes and you decide that “I’m so tired with life”. The obsessive thinking does that to you – it drains your energy, it makes you stuck in an endless loop. It’s like getting caught in an eddy, you try to swim out, but cannot, the pull is stronger…

We’ve spoken about the ways you can silence the anxious mind. The best would be to do some physical exercise (you said you’d try jogging around the block) to stop the mental chatter…

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Tee.