Hi Anita!

I am sorry I have fallen into some major procrastination again. It seems to be my biggest struggle lately but mainly when it comes to connecting. I have been successful at keeping up other things. I am back on the horse and I fall off again often but never hurts as much as the time before and I get back up. I think my medication is helping a lot. Finally consistent and it has been well over 6 months. Also consistent weekly therapy with a therapist that I am trusting. She is good. Looking back at our notes I notice it has been so long since we spoke. I had been in contact with my Aunt and went to see her in May when life got really difficult. It was not as successful as a reunion as I would of liked. But a lesson well learned. I put myself in that blender you warned me about again. As far as reuniting with my father that wasn’t so bad but also a little scary and still has me uneasy. When his mother died (my Grandma) I felt it necessary to go see him. My sweet Grandma, one of the people in my family who loved me the most unconditionally as she could. Such a loss. This medication makes me a bit numb so I am not sure how deeply sad I could have felt but I was very heartbroken. Things have been a littler smoother in my life for about 2 months now. It is nice. I have been more in touch with gratefulness and joy versus only that constant fear. I am so grateful. I think my procrastination on connecting more is my fear of moving on. But I dont rush myself anymore. I simply told myself I had been thinking of you since I seen your reply and that today is the day I wouldn’t procrastinate. No more bashing myself. I really am learning not to be mean to me anymore. And take life as it comes. A lot I need to still achieve. I recently lost my part time job that I had been doing Full time and that was stressful but I have been searching for a more traditional position again with better pay. Oh and I got a kitty! I love him. It has been a week and he is really evoking that love button in me. Lots of work though.

How are you Anita? I hope well despite our world still going a bit crazy.