February 15, 2021 at 6:47 pm #374721
I may add more tomorrow, but for now: you made your decision regarding work, and I like your attitude of “trying to look at work only as a mean to make my livelihood versus a place for emotions”.
Regarding your ongoing emotional experience of “intense fear and anxiety followed by numb/ disassociation. And once in (a while) a great relief”, an experience that makes you “feel crazy”- I know this emotional experience personally and I felt crazy too. There is a way to even up the extremes of intense anxiety and feeling nothing (numbness/ dissociation). and occasional euphoria. Therapist call the way to bridge these two extremes “emotional regulation”. There is a lot of literature on it and it is taught within psychotherapy.
anitaFebruary 16, 2021 at 10:14 am #374744
“I want things to be easier. The little girl throwing a tantrum.. But little Nichole has to grow up”- little Nichole needs to be gently disciplined, so that she expresses her frustration in ways that don’t make her life even more difficult than it already is. Express your frustrations in quieter ways, less dramatic/ earth shattering.
“intense fear and anxiety followed by numb/ dissociation. And once in a (while) great relief. Sometimes it makes me feel crazy”- time to get off that Up and Down Rollercoaster Ride and take.. an easier route, a more stable route, one with less ups and downs, one with less extreme ups and downs. A more stable route would be the mindfulness route. If you would like, check www. oxford mindfulness. org/ mark williams for information and resources on the topic.
anitaFebruary 28, 2021 at 7:13 am #375365
Wondering about you, about how you are feeling/ doing.
anitaApril 1, 2021 at 6:44 pm #376977
I hope you are okay, Nichole! How are you?
anitaJune 8, 2021 at 10:04 pm #381212NicholeParticipant
I am sorry for my late reply. A lot has happened in my life. I moved locations, my grandmother died, I reunited with my father for her funeral, I started a medication and have been consistent. It has helped in ways but also has had a negative impact as far as motivation. I never feel like doing anything. Even writing this email was a challenge but I am trying to get back on the horse. I am drained and a little lost.
How are you Anita?June 9, 2021 at 9:23 am #381227
I thought about you a few days ago, considering the possibility that I may never read from you again.. and here you are, good to have you back here!
I am feeling better this morning than I felt for some time, thank you for asking. I hope you do get back on the horse, as you mentioned- a stronger and more disciplined horse than before, so that you can feel safer riding it. Being consistent with your new medication reads like a step in the right direction. I wonder (1) if you moved locations within Florida or .. back to Chicago, (2) what you mean by reuniting with your father, and (3) if you are in contact with other family members (feel free to not answer any or all of my wonderings).