Menu

What will my life be now?

Home→Forums→Purpose→What will my life be now?

New Reply
  • This topic has 277 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by anita.
Viewing 8 posts - 271 through 278 (of 278 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #456591
    anita
    Participant

    Nichole.. ?

    #456634
    Nichole
    Participant

    Hi Anita!!

    So glad you reached out because my procrastination was getting the best of me on my response. Forgive me.

    I have been all in my head these last few weeks.

    I loved that story about Bogart and the blackberries lol!! He was having a good old time.

    Oh my kitty, I harass him by picking him up and rocking him like a baby while showering him with little kisses and nose rubs. Initially he hated it and now from time to time he crawls in my arms and I can tell he wants me to rock him. Usually when he is restless. Like a baby!! Lol

    How are you?
    I am pondering what to do for Easter tomorrow. I am thinking of going to Church and not sure about the rest of the day.

    #456635
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    I just went on a walk down memory lane and found out something amazing (to me):

    Today, April 4, 2026- is Holy Saturday and you posted today.

    On April 20, 2019 (Holy Saturday πŸ•―οΈ) you posted: “Hi Anita. Hope you are well. I am sitting home, finally! With a glass of wine. Pondering life as usual… So true, this time I have to live my own life. And I am. I am surprised at myself how focused I am and determined to live a life I enjoy. It’s just scary when you don’t really know what you want out of life… I do want to own a home but am scared what will happen once I take the leap. It seems to be my main focus. Saving. What will happen once I did it. Where is my life heading. What do I do? Where do I go. It’s always been a thought to go to Florida again.. (I) don’t believe I can do another year in the cold. But do not just want to go somewhere I know nothing about. I do not like that idea. That is why I thought of where I was in Florida.”

    On April 16, 2022 (Holy SaturdayπŸ•―οΈ), you posted: “Hi Anita, am getting back later than I’d like to have again. A lot has changed since we last spoke. Although I’ve been consistent with work and have caught up financially, it has become so stressful. I’m working in a call center… I’m overwhelmed. I am burned out. I don’t have much enjoyment in my life. It is just work, work, and healing. I feel so alone again… My cat is so needy, I need someone to help me with him at times. I miss someone to go to dinner with. I miss someone to go to the beach with…”

    April 19, 2025 (.. Holy SaturdayπŸ•―οΈ): “Hi Anita!… It has been years! You have heard of all the bits and pieces and even the ugliest parts of my journey. What a true blessing to be able to have that. Very grateful for this site. Sorry I have taken a while to respond. Honestly, I need to work on that. I can easily get distracted and put more important things on the back burner. But one step at a time…. I almost feel afraid to put myself in my younger self’s shoes. I believe as a child I took on a caretaker role because it was drilled into me that I was supposed to… I can see clearly now that was my identity and I had no identity of my own… I am happy you are finding peace and allowing yourself to care for others again. This is inspiring to me.”

    I want to reply further and will in a few hours (I love how you harass your cat, by the way, makes me smile)!

    πŸ•―οΈ Anita

    #456636
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    I understand procrastinating. It’s okay, whenever you post, that’s okay with me.

    Yes, Bogart was having a good old time while I was thinking he was sufferring.. a misunderstanding πŸ™‚

    Little kisses and πŸ‘ƒ rubs with your kitty 😺 sound delightful 😊

    Like a baby, like Bogart

    In case you’re wondering, when I’m using the πŸ“±- phone because my own πŸ–₯ was destroyed following a 🍷 + πŸ• incident- emojis keep showing up, and sometimes I ask for them- so here they are, lots of them.

    Going to church on Easter 🐣 sounds just βœ…οΈ.

    As a single woman, maybe you can signal that you’d like to participate in some Easter time with other singles or with a family who would love to include you?

    I have no plans for tomorrow other than eating Mac and cheese and walking Bogart.

    I think it’s amazingly interesting that you happened to post on FOUR Holly Saturdays so far!

    2019 in Chicago, 2022, 2025 & 2026 in Florida.

    You had to deal with so much growing up. Similar to me, I think. You’re doing well πŸ‘ considering all that you had to go through.

    Easter 🐣 here means rabbits πŸ‡ are everywhere and Bogart, a beagle, is genetically trained to follow rabbit scent. It’s funny, the other day, a rabbit πŸ‡ was running in circles right in front of him, but he wasn’t looking πŸ‘€ because he was too busy smelling, so he missed the rabbit πŸ˜‰

    🐣 πŸ‡ 🀍 Anita

    #456715
    Nichole
    Participant

    LOL!!! I would have let him know, Look! There’s a bunny lol.

    How was your Mac and cheese? That actually sounds so good right now.

    I ended up listening to the Church at home and just resetting on Easter. It was needed.

    I really enjoyed reading those older posts. I always think to myself I want to go back, but I get triggered pretty easily lately and I know some of those posts will be so deep. But so many lessons as well. I hope this forum we will have to look back at forever.

    Wow, so I ended up (referring to the 2019 post) succeeding in my goals. Still do not know quite what to do with my life. I guess just being more present with what I have in my life right now. Me, my cozy place, and my kitty. And freedom right. Sometimes I wish it felt better but I am working on that and am hopeful.

    #456733
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Nichole πŸ™‚

    I did previously let him know of the neighbor’s πŸ” πŸ” πŸ” walking a bit up the road and all hell broke loose (running after them and going crazy, scaring the chickens badly), so I learned my lesson πŸ˜‘

    The Mac and Cheese was excellent. I mixed it with eggs and other foods for the πŸ§€ flavor.

    A cozy place, your kitty 😺, freedom ✨️- these sound ike wonderful things to be present with.
    Do you think that you need more socializing- connecting with people?

    I was at the taproom last afternoon (with Bogart) and was bored because other people were talking to each other and I wasn’t part of any conversation (beyond a bit of small talk).

    Then an unfriendly man showed up (didn’t even return my hello) with a small dog who viciously barked at Bogart- that made me feel badly.

    But then two women showed up (I know both and they are friendly and interactive), and it made all the positive difference.

    Bogart is lying real close to me right now. He’s so adorably cute 😍

    πŸ” 🐈 πŸ• Anita

    #457002
    Nichole
    Participant

    Hello Anita!

    I have the image of Bogart going bananas around the chickens LOL, poor chicks.

    Still have not satisfied my craving for Mac and Cheese!!! Maybe this weekend.

    Thank you for sharing that experience with me, regarding the taproom. That was very relatable. Feeling a little left out. That tends to be how I feel in social situations at times. I am glad those women came around for you though.

    To answer your question, yes! absolutely yes! I need to connect more. I need to do more things that I enjoy. And little by little I am getting more comfortable in the public arena. Since doing Uber delivery full time (after leaving my last job that was draining me) I have had a lot of practice being in public. Initially being around people so much and having to enter stores, restaurants etc was nerve-wracking. I was constantly triggered. But over the last month I now enjoy it. Fully aware that some people may be rude, some may be nice, some may not pay me any attention but no matter what I am okay with me. I love me and I am a child of God and people outside of me cannot fill that void. I am also getting back to a place in my life where I have enough energy to be kind and do things for others. If I am feeling up to it I hold the door, give compliments and am training myself to do it from my overflow and not be liked. It is a practice. I am sorry I think I went a little off topic here. I was trying to highlight slowly being okay in public again through the work I do. Today I had an interview (as Uber is not for the long term), and it went well. There was a point where I had to complete an assessment in a room full of some others and we were in close proximity. I started to feel that anxiety again, a lot of shame came up. I am trying to process that because I believe that is why I isolate. I really dislike feeling like that.I allowed the feelings to come and go and completed the assessment and went about my day. I am learning that the only way to get over is to go “through”. I imagine anxiety and some of the self shame etc is something I may live with forever and I can practice in small ways daily to go on despite that, knowing that those feelings will rest and then joy, peace and contentedness comes along to play. The feelings are just visitors lol.

    I hope you have a good week!! πŸ™‚

    #457021
    anita
    Participant

    W.O.W Nichole!

    Reading your message made my day 🀞

    Your level of self-awareness amazes me. I hardly ever come across such a level here or in real- life.

    You accept anxiety and shame but see beyond them: “those feelings will rest and then joy, peace and contentment come along the way. The feelings are just visitors”.

    And whom do the feelings visit?

    “A child of God” whose void is filled primarily by God, not by people πŸ™

    “No matter what, I am okay with me. I love me”-

    I am breathing these words in as a mantra for myself. Thank you, Nichole for sharing all that!

    What an excellent idea: to work as an Uber driver in- between jobs, an excellent practice for being in public and staying centered no matter how other people behave (rude, nice, or inattentive).

    The neighbors here decided to not let any more chickens roam around anymore, so no more πŸ” πŸ” for Bogart to chase.

    On the other hand, there’re lots of rabbits around here (Spring time) and he chases their scent like crazy. Sometimes they run πŸ‡ πŸ‡ in front of him but he doesn’t see them because he’s busy smelling.

    The taproom closed last Friday (went out of business). I knew it for some time, so it was not a surprise. I hope to get to socialize elsewhere irl in the near future.

    A delight to read your message, Nichole. You are amazing πŸ‘ πŸ™ πŸ‘

    🀍 ✨️ Anita

Viewing 8 posts - 271 through 278 (of 278 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.