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What will my life be now?

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Viewing 4 posts - 136 through 139 (of 139 total)
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  • #390891
    Nichole
    Participant

    Anita! Thank you!

    It has been a while again. I’ve thought about you. But Sitting down and writing ive been resisting for some reason. I’ve had to catch up a lot financially so I’ve been on the go go go! But I’m finally starting to slow down a bit. It’s one of my goals this year. I hope you enjoyed the Holiday season despite this new Covid stuff.

    Things are going good Anita.
    I think I’m doing better with fear and loneliness. Although I struggle still sometimes.

    I’ve been at my new job for a month now and that’s a good time for me. I have struggled feeling comfortable anywhere. I don’t make alot here and it’s not exactly what I had in mind but I am sooo grateful to feel useful and good at something again. I enjoy my work and am hoping I can commit to a good length here while continuing to catch up. It feels nice to breath again. I’m not completely caught up with my bills but I’m at a place where I can slow down a bit and I almost forgot what it was like to relax and feel confident in my ability to handle things for myself. Am so happy for that Anita.

    I know we made a new thread with intention but I still struggle with my Mothers death. I am more wise and understand she was not my responsibility but damn the lack of support she had in her last days was uncalled for. I know how that feels now. To feel like you have no support. It takes a strong individual and higher power to keep you going on a straight line. My mom had too much illness to have the strength. I miss her Anita. I miss the kind of love she offered. Only a mother can offer. She really did have my back the best she could. The saying you don’t know what you have until it’s gone could not be more true.

    I am learning so much about life lately. How much pain most people are in. How many lies we are taught. And we can change them slowly but surely.

    Anita I hope to be more consistent in my responses. Another goal of mine. I still tend to isolate vs reaching out to people who bring wisdom and joy to my life.

    but I am in a woman’s group that meets bi weekly and I haven’t missed yet. Little steps.

    #390895
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    I just got back home, and I am so excited to be reading from you!!! I read “Things are going good” and that makes me feel good. I am too tired to further reply tonight, but will get back to you Sun morning, in about 10 hours from now.

    anita

    #390952
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    A little history: your first post on tiny buddha was on August 21, 2018, you were living in Chicago at the time. Your mother passed away less than a month later, on September 16, 2018. Ten days later, on Sept 26 & 27, heartbroken, you wrote: “My mother is an amazing woman who unfortunately made terrible decisions in her life… Our relationship always struggled but we have always had love for one another… I love her so much“.

    Exactly 3 years ago, on January 9, 2019, I wrote to you: “Dear Nichole: You mentioned being 30. What I suggest next will take about, I am guessing, two years to produce significant results…. Pause between feeling badly and automatically reacting to the bad feeling by doing something impulsive (and often damaging). In that pause calm down and think logically. Focus on functioning effectively, communicating with others effectively, living effectively, producing win-win interactions with others… Take breaks from anxiety and distress by exercising, taking walks, hot baths, any variety of activities that can be considered… distractions that are not harmful. Make a routine of such distractions, ex., a walk per day at a certain time, if possible”.

    Fast forward to November 25, 2020, you were living in Florida. I wrote to you on that day: “Your writing is so much calmer than before, much improved, so much so that I got the opportunity to notice your talent. When you lived in Chicago, your writing was too often the product of a very distressed and overwhelmed brain. In the significant improvement of your writing, I see that you are now significantly mentally healthier than you were before”.

    Fast forward to today, you wrote: “Things are going good Anita. I think I’m doing better with fear and loneliness…. I’ve been at my new job for a month now and that’s a good time for me… I’m at a place where I can slow down a bit and I almost forgot what it was like to relax and feel confident in my ability to handle things for myself. Am so happy for that Anita… I am learning so much about life lately… I am in a woman’s group that meets bi-weekly, and I haven’t missed yet. Little steps” – excellent, continued progress, good job, Nichole!

    I still struggle with my Mother’s death… I miss her Anita. I miss the kind of love she offered” – You always loved her, even when you were angry at her. Underneath, you loved her intensely, faithfully all along. No way she could have missed the love in your heart, no way!

    When you think about your mother lovingly, please recognize that you always loved her, and that your everlasting love for her makes you a good person, a good, loving person who deserves to let go of guilt and rest in your loving nature. You deserve calm and peace of mind. May this new year offer you more and more peace of mind!

    anita

    #391550
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Nichole?

    anita

Viewing 4 posts - 136 through 139 (of 139 total)

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