Anita,

Why do we do the same things over and over again if there are not positive results?  Why do I engage with my ex knowing the outcome?  Why do I ignore red flags?  (my brain sees it. I say wow that’s not good) but I keep going in the same direction.  Like the red flag is dirt I’m sweeping up and throwing away.  Almost like continuing to swim in a lake full of alligators.  Then I don’t think about it anymore.   I have had for some reason a rough 2 days.  To be honest I know that I cannot be in any relationship I think for a long time.  It’s like smelling something that gave you food posioning so you stay away.  I believe from reading my posts that my fixation with the 2 men really show my disease.  Why do I feel like I talk about this stuff over and over.  Partially because I want a resolution that’s not there. Partially because I want some type of explanation for their behavior.

I just want explanations for why these things happen to me.  I’m the cause and I don’t like it.

On the bright side it is my son’s 8th birthday today.  we are going to do something fun after school and go to dinner.

Lindsey