But you don’t doubt this. You “know” with certainty that certainty is not possible,

I doubt it before, but i find it compelling,  by observation, we really don’t know a lot about anything, we just do what everybody do, what if its wrong? Who cares? We won’t know if its wrong.

I have to have a basic certainty for my doubts, some order in my mind, i do doubt my beliefs sometimes, but not because of an argument someone made, just because someone thought, or the majority don’t believe in it, i like when someone makes a good argument against my belief, its a nice exercise to my mind, don’t you think?

One of the things  noted in your comments is that they show no indication of being in doubt

Because i tried and it does nothing, external validation is useless when i belief the opposite, though i do show my doubt side, don’t you remember? Asking for validation were because of doubt, doubt of myself, doubt of if im doing the right thing, doubt that its my fault, a never ending doubt supported by Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so it will never ends and never leaves, the only time i did experience a peace of mind were on meds, but it was so costly, so expensive, no feelings, no passion, suffering is tasteless, life is boring and doll, and it was money wise expensive too.

Though i do feel regret quitting it, because now its also bad, too much feelings, too much loneliness, a strong soul numbing desire to be loved, knowing it won’t will never happen, everyday a reminder.

Thinking about those two options, with drugs, or without, i can swear i would never pick an option that will satisfy me, both options are as bad as the other, both are predetermined by my own past

You have no doubt about the present which you tend to project into the future

I have the enough proof to assume the future, really what my current mindset and feelings, anyone would guess the same, what do you think will happen peter? Im really asking, what do you think based on what you read from me will happen? It makes me sad to picture the future, to know the only possibility of being happy is to not be at all.

I have seen it, for few years now, my life, going downhall, i don’t think i ever went up, i lost my diginty, self respect, feelings, passion, goals, dreams, should’ve left while i had some dignity.

as if picked randomly = no control = despair.

Tell me whats the biggest insult to having a thinking mind? Not using it, or worse forced to use in bullsh*t.

Its known that people who believe they have no control over thier lifes tend to be more depressed, im not peter sadly, i can’t have the spiritual awakening, im barely even human.

The one certainty I have is that ‘We very easily create what we Fear’

You know what i feared the most in my teenage years? To be an atheist nihilistic person, along the way i knew it would happen, the future became clearer, i believed in god back then, i prayed and prayed to not let me be this, “please god take me before”, maybe there is a god and im already in hell, interesting idea, at one time before i leave religion, i liked seeing myself in hell, suffering, it was satisfying to imagine, “fair”.

I read the story, it did make things clearer, thank you.

I understand what you mean, but i honestly have no idea how to make it happen in real life, at one point i think you said, its not something you choose, from the stroy it seems that luck/randomness made the sparrow realise, what if he wasn’t lucky enough? What if there is another sparrow that didn’t had this realisation?