Dear Girija:

You are welcome and congratulations for going to a gynecologist, discovering that you suffer from PCOS and starting treatment. A couple of the well-documented symptoms that apply to you: thinning hair on the head and depression. Also, it reads that weight gain is a symptom and that excess weight worsens symptoms, so I guess losing weight is at least part of what you meant by working on your lifestyle. You started taking a supplement that the doctor recommended, and you feel more grounded, plus a joy in your chest. Excellent!

What you expressed in your recent post, as I understand it, is that you used to think that the emptiness that you felt in your chest was about the absence of love (of loving relationship), but now that you took the supplements and feel a joy in your chest (as well as feeling more grounded and in control of yourself), you figure that the emptiness was the result of a hormonal imbalance, and correcting this imbalance through supplements and lifestyle changes will take care of the void.

Your thinking makes a lot of sense to me because sensations and emotions are made possible by chemicals, mainly neurotransmitters and hormones. An imbalance of hormones easily explains a messy emotional experience, such as you described since 2019: “My constant fear is that I am a raging, emotional and unstable person… I want to know how to fix this. How to be normal. Every new thing I do sucks because of how abnormal my brain is… Always ready to go into a frenzy” – I am not a doctor, but I think that PCOS/ hormonal imbalance easily explains most if not all of this. A normalized hormonal imbalance should take care of your quest, identified in the title of your thread:  “I want to be normal“!

You wrote earlier on this thread: “My excitement to me used to feel genuine and open. Now, I feel it is chaotic. Just desperate and needy” – could be that your excitement felt genuine and open before your hormonal imbalance came to be, but after it came to be you felt chaotic, desperate and needy.

Fast forward to the present, you took supplements, and you already feel the opposite of chaos and desperation: you feel more grounded, in control over yourself, and no longer desperate: “I feel like I have control over myself. This gave me a new perspective on my last comment about my looks. I am who I am, and people… If they like and love me, that’s great. If not, I feel enough, and they can go love someone else” – I am very pleased to read this!

Your intent: to love yourself “and love living and take life as it comes“- post anytime you want to share about life as it comes!

anita