I’m very sorry that you were treat like that! Your mother’s behaviour was horrible. You were quite right to feel angry and a desire to protect yourself from her abuse.
I would very much appreciate sharing more about our experiences. If there is anything else you would like to share, please feel free.
Sadly, I don’t think it’s possible for a child to protect themselves from an abusive parent. The nature of this abuse means that the parent is seeking out to abuse someone who is vulnerable, under their control and unable to protect themselves.
These people are manipulative cowards, because they behave completely differently with people who aren’t vulnerable or under their control and are able to protect themselves. This proves that they are in control of their behaviour, otherwise they would behave this way with everyone. There is a level of predatory behaviour, as abusers identify victims based on how they respond to their boundaries being crossed.
Children typically rely on their parents for everything. Such as food, clothing, transportation, healthcare, comfort, entertainment, education, socialisation and boundaries. The nature of the relationship gives parents a tremendous amount of control.
Physically, children are too small to fight effectively until at least teenage years (depending on gender and weight). By this point, an abused child has been conditioned to act in a way that the abusive parent approves of.
For a time, I compartmentalised different kinds of abuse because I felt the pain from certain kinds were so overwhelming that I couldn’t cope with the additional pain of other types of abuse.
After much therapy and as an adult I see the devastating impact of verbal abuse. It shapes our minds. The behaviour you described and her words shaped so much of your life both internal and externally.
Why? Because she was in a bad mood and wanted to take it out on you because causing you pain and watching you submit made her feel powerful.
You were always a good girl Anita. You were never the problem, she was. Children are inherently innocent and deserving of love and protection. You didn’t deserve to be treat the way you were. You are a very good woman. Your kindness and compassion inspire.
Sorry if anything is too emotional. Please let me know if there is anything that you wouldn’t like me to say.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 