@anita

This might be a silly question. But can I ask you what made you decide to cut contact?

Yes, both families taught me to accept abuse without protest.

I wasn’t beaten, or starved or sexually abused by my second family. But they do believe that verbal abuse is acceptable. For a long time I was in denial and defended their behaviour because they took me in.

As you said about your mother before. They believe that they are the only ones that are allowed to have hurt feelings or deserve empathy.

It was a combination of meeting my husband and health issues that changed my views on the impact of verbal abuse. Pain sensitivity increases with stress, so I became very intolerant of stressful situations.

I would say that I have still have difficulties protecting myself from verbal abuse. I do understand that their behaviours are abusive though and I agree that arguments are bad for my mental and physical health.

I’m working on being less defensive myself. I believe this is a result of the abuse. I tend to expect arguments when I bring up hurt feelings. Ironically, being defensive and expecting an argument can sometimes trigger arguments.