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Dear Olivia:
“I get a huge wave of anxiety that comes over me and a voice in my head saying either ‘that’s you’ or ‘that’s what happens to people like you’“- people like you means people like … what?
“I couldn’t stop thinking about how (a boy) would rather (choose) her over me… I’m a tiny bit jealous of her because she’s always talking with a new boy“- people like you means girls who are not chosen by boys, girls who boys don’t talk to…?
“I feel like I’m always drifting on the outside of friendship groups which I also hate“- people like you means people who are not on the inside of friendship groups… ?
I think that what scares you is the thought that you are not good-enough (to be on the inside of friendship groups, to be chosen by boys etc.). I think that your brain prefers to believe that the reason you are not good-enough is that you are a lesbian or bi: “I couldn’t stop thinking about how (a boy) would rather (choose) her over me because I look like a lesbian… thinking that I don’t have a boyfriend because I look like a lesbian and could be bisexual “.
“When I look in the mirror I feel like I look like a lesbian and I hate it“- if you put the lesbian image aside, what is it that you hate seeing in the mirror?
anita