Menu

Suddenly questioning my sexuality..?

HomeForumsShare Your TruthSuddenly questioning my sexuality..?

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 211 through 225 (of 226 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #406075
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Olivia:

    I get a huge wave of anxiety that comes over me and a voice in my head saying either ‘that’s you’ or ‘that’s what happens to people like you’“- people like you means people like … what?

    I couldn’t stop thinking about how (a boy) would rather (choose) her over me… I’m a tiny bit jealous of her because she’s always talking with a new boy“- people like you means girls who are not chosen by boys, girls who boys don’t talk to…?

    I feel like I’m always drifting on the outside of friendship groups which I also hate“- people like you means people who are not on the inside of friendship groups… ?

    I think that what scares you is the thought that you are not good-enough (to be on the inside of friendship groups, to be chosen by boys etc.). I think that your brain prefers to believe that the reason you are not good-enough is that you are a lesbian or bi: “I couldn’t stop thinking about how (a boy) would rather (choose) her over me because I look like a lesbian… thinking that I don’t have a boyfriend because I look like a lesbian and could be bisexual “.

    When I look in the mirror I feel like I look like a lesbian and I hate it“- if you put the lesbian image aside, what is it that you hate seeing in the mirror?

    anita

    #406076
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Olivia:

    To put it in other words: I think that you have this belief (it is a common belief among teenage girls) that you are unacceptable. You also believe that to be a lesbian is unacceptable. Your brain connected these two things this way: I am unacceptable because I am a lesbian.

    I think that if you look at the real reason for why you believe that you are unacceptable, your brain will let go of the substitute reason (that you are a lesbian, or bi).

    anita

    #406094
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Anita. Thank you so much for replying.</p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>By ‘People like me’ it means people like me that are questioning their sexuality or think they are and actually have OCD. I for some reason believe that I will end up actually telling people that I’m bi, the thought of that terrifies me because I know deep down that that’s not true. I think I might have SOOCD but I’m not sure and don’t know how to get rid of it. I don’t think being on the outside of friendship groups is the reason I’m having these thoughts I think it’s because most of the people in them are able to talk to boys and the way my brain comprehends the fact I don’t have a boyfriend is to tell me that I’m bi. I don’t think that being bi or a lesbian is unacceptable and I’ve always supported the community and I’m really sorry if what I said before came across as homophobic, I don’t have a problem with any of that or people who identify as this especially as some friends of mine have come out as part of the community. So maybe this is part of the reason why I’m questioning myself? I just think that for me as myself, I could never be bi because that’s just not who I am and thought thought of me being part of it gives me anxiety because I’m not attracted to girls. The reason I think I have SOOCD or HOCD or just normal OCD is because I can’t stop thinking that I’m bi. These thoughts weren’t triggered by liking a girl or anything they just came on suddenly a few weeks ago and they are really worrying me. I’ve never had this before and I feel like I’ve wasted so much time over it I just need someone to tel me how to stop them. Sometimes the thoughts that could be bi make me cry and wake up either having a panic attack or just filled with anxiety, feeling sick and heart palpitations. I think the part about me in the mirror from my previous post is just a part of these horrible thoughts.

    </p>
    I have never had any reason and still don’t have a reason to believe I’m bi/gay but I keep having these thoughts. Some examples of them include: (bear with me some of these are way in the future and I don’t know where they come from) me not having a happy marriage with a man because I’m secretly bi and if I’m watching TV with a newly married man and wife my mind tells me I’ll never have that because of these thoughts. Other thoughts include things like me having a girlfriend (these thoughts don’t actually feel real like that could happen or anything, they just feel like they are there to scare me for some reason) which makes me extremely uncomfortable and I’ve never had this happen before now. I really really don’t want a girlfriend so I have no idea why I’m having these thoughts. However, when I think of myself with a boyfriend or imagine myself with a male character from Netflix that makes me feel excited and want to have a future with him even though he’s obviously on Netflix so it wouldn’t be him specifically but it still makes me feel happy and like I’m normal or ‘cured’ of the other thoughts.

    My point being that the thoughts give me so much anxiety and I don’t know why I’m having them. But when I think about being with a boy I can actually imagine it in real life.

    Do you think I have OCD? I think I’m definitely overthinking but I don’t know how to stop it.

    Could you give me some ways to help get rid of these thoughts?

    Thanks, Olivia

    #406095
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    To add to this, I seem to be using these forums and finding others like me to help prevent the anxiety, which it does for 2 days or something and then it just comes back. I feel like I am in need of a permanent solution.

    sorry, I forgot to include this before.

    thank you so much for you help so far!

    #406102
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Olivia:

    You are very welcome. “By ‘People like me’ it means people like me that are questioning their sexuality or think they are and actually have OCD“- I had OCD for much of my life (no longer do), ever since I was a child, and was diagnosed with it, so I am people like you in this regard.  From personal experience therefore, I know how OCD works: it almost randomly grabs a thought (something you hear, something that happened to cross your mind) and doesn’t let go of it.

    These thoughts weren’t triggered by liking a girl or anything they just came on suddenly a few weeks ago“- like I said, a thought happens to cross the mind and the OCD-brain grabs it and doesn’t let go.

    Do you think I have OCD?“- I think so, but I am not a medical doctor or a psychotherapist. How about seeing a medical professional or a psychotherapist and ask this question?

    I just need someone to tell me how to stop them… I think I’m definitely overthinking but I don’t know how to stop it“- sometimes it takes a psychiatric medication to accomplish this. As an adult, I saw a psychiatrist for my OCD and was prescribed Zoloft.  Zoloft worked very well for me: it  felt like a pair of scissors was cutting my obsessive thinking chain of thoughts, it was incredible.  If I went back in time, I would have had psychotherapy at the same time of taking Zoloft and after some therapy, I would have stopped the medication. (I haven’t been on any psychiatric medication in the past 9 years).

    I seem to be using these forums and finding others like me to help prevent the anxiety, which it does for 2 days or something and then it just comes back. I feel like I am in need of a permanent solution“- using forums so to find relief from obsessive thinking is a compulsion (the C in OCD). It is the nature of compulsions that they provide temporary relief. Compulsions never lead to a permanent solution. I suggest that you see a doctor and take it from there.

    anita

    #406103
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Anita, I think I’m going to see a doctor about it soon and I hope that will help. Thank you so much for your advice I really appreciate it!

    #406104
    anita
    Participant

    You are very welcome, Olivia!

    anita

    #407306
    ro
    Participant

    hello

    i have been feeling the same way
    when i was 19 someone asked me some question about a girl and i got so stressed about the question and asked myself if i am attrackted to weman, and didnt tell it to anybody for a very long time and sufferd from disturbing thoughts. all of my life i was intrested in man, i wasnt attracted to some of the man i have been with and i had the horrible qustion like maybe im not attracted to man? and it hit me now again at 25.. my concerns are that im not really intrested in man and i live in dinail.. i get aroused by fentesizing about women sex more than woman and man, when i hear about somone famous telling his gay/shes a lesbian i want to hear more and very intrested..

    i dont really want to live or fall in love or be with a woman, i was never intresten in a real woman , but having these fantasis + some guys i slept with that i wasnt attracted to + wanting to know about gay/lesbian people and “relate” to them makes me feel like im in denail and that deep inside i want to live with a woman, and i dont want that to be the truth.
    i read somtimse that all people question their sexuallity, but my ex boyfriends was so attrackted to me it is not possible for me to think that they have these kind of inner questions, which makes me feel more stressed.
    i see many people related to this thread, i wonder if they still have these questions/anxiety + all the media is pro-gay that it is more understanable and relatable but im not sure if i relate because i might be attracted to woman or because it just is relatable .

    i sufferd from disturbing thoughts latly. tried psychotherapy and having possitive thoughts but i cant live like this knowing that not all people have these questions and are super confinedt that they are straight, and seeing people suddenly coming out at 35 40 50 .. i feel i need ansuers or maybe sign from god

    somtimse i get panic attacks which i never had before

    please help me figure this out once and for all and live happy and without these toughts all the time cause i want to have normal life , thank you  , RO

    #407310
    anita
    Participant

    Dear RO:

    The original post on this thread was posted on Sept 28, 2018, almost 4 years to the day. I answered the original poster on that day as well as other members throughout the 15 pages of this thread. Before I answer you further: did you read my replies to the other members, and if you did, what parts of my replies are meaningful, or helpful to you, if any?

    anita

     

    #407322
    ro
    Participant

    This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.

    hello, thank you for commenting
    i did read i wrote because i did try psychotherapy  and even meds as i saw you reccomended, and i dont feel i can live like this anymore.

    all the things i mentiond befor is very confusing and makes me totally lose all intrest in my life as i used to live it. i just want to feel im straight and not question it all the time thinking im in denail

    i just feel like im a completely different person when i think “maybe im in denail”

    i want this to stop

     

    #407325
    ro
    Participant

    hello, thank you for commenting
    i did read i wrote because i did try psychotherapy  and even meds as i saw you reccomended, and i dont feel i can live like this anymore.

    all the things i mentiond befor is very confusing and makes me totally lose all intrest in my life as i used to live it. i just want to feel im straight and not question it all the time thinking im in denail, or the feeling that im hidding something (even when i did tell my perents)

    i just feel like im a completely different person when i think “maybe im in denail”

    i want this to stop

    #407340
    anita
    Participant

    Dear RO:

    I did try psychotherapy  and even meds as I saw you recommended“- I need to correct you: I did not recommend that you or any member take medication (psychiatric or any other kind of medication). Only a medical doctor can recommend medication. I am not a medical doctor, nor am I any kind of a health care professional. Like you, I am only a member here (I am a very active member for more than 7 years).

    * Even for a medical doctor (which I am not), a public forum such as this is not the appropriate place to evaluate patients and recommend medications!

    You shared that at 19- and currently, at 25, you got very stressed regarding the thought that you may be attracted to women, “and suffered from disturbing thoughts” on the matter. You are afraid that the following is evidence that you are indeed in denial about your sexual orientation: (1) you were not attracted to a few of the men you were with, (2) you get aroused when fantasizing about women having sex with each other, more than you do about a man and a woman having sex, and (3) you read that “all people question their sexuality“, but you are afraid that it is not true because you are sure that your ex-boyfriend never questioned his sexuality, and therefore, “not all people have these questions“.

    My response: the 1-3  pieces of proposed evidence are not real evidence of  sexual orientation because (1) no woman, no matter how straight, is attracted to every man, (2) fantasizing about women having sex with each other may be arousing because of the sexual acts involved, not the gender factor, and (3) regarding the statement that all people question their sexuality: I figure that the statement means that the thought (am I straight? am I gay?) goes through everyone’s mind: often the thought is dismissed and forgotten, but sometimes the thought gets stuck, as it did in your case.

    Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is one condition where a thought gets stuck and causes lots of distress. Did you see a medical doctor or another health care professional (such as a psychotherapist) regarding your sexual-orientation obsession (and perhaps other kinds of obsessions), and were you diagnosed with OCD?

    anita

     

     

    #407347
    ro
    Participant

    thank you Anita for the response
    i was not diagnosed with OCD, and the medications were taken after consolting with a medical doctor, it was mainly because i sufferd strees for several monthes (the only thing i meant by “you recomended” was to talk to someone, not to take any medications, im sorry that i was not clear)

    when i read your replay i understand that these matters are not real evidence of  sexual orientation, but it doesnt mean for sure that i am attracted to man and not to weman.

    how can i be sure in my sexuallity?

    haw can i be sure that im not in denail? how can i date man thinking i may be in denail ?

    in the past day (and i remember this thought from before ) i have been thinking to just give up and admit to myself just so i would not find it out layter in life get merried and find out get merried and not be attracted to man sexually or romenticly, and then the feeling of “hidding something (that im enjoing fantasies or that im not who i seem to be)” will disappear. then i start noticing my behaivior, maybe im manly (im really not, only im ny head)?

    i did read about it all – OCD , HOCD trying to figure out if its just intrusive thoughts or really my rael sexuality

    how can i be sure that im attracted to manaand not weman and not dought myself everytime? when a gay person pop on in the media and im trying not to notice so it wont confuse me

    it takes so much energy. so much thoughts about myself, when i think about other people question their sexuality and comparing myself to other peoples sexuallity i refer to them having or not having fantacies about their oun gender. if it would not exist i wouldent acctually be disterbd by this issue as much as i do. (my fantasies are mostly about being with big brested woman/ having big breasts and thats the only thing that attracting me in weman, not specific person involved at all or any other part of womens body)

    again thank you for helping.

     

    #407349
    anita
    Participant

    Dear RO:

    You are welcome. ”

    The only thing I meant by ‘you recommended’ was to talk to someone, not to take any medications, I’m sorry that I was not clear)“- not a problem, I just had to clarify.

    When I think about other people questioning their sexuality.. I refer to them having or not having fantasies about their own gender… my fantasies are mostly about being with big breasted woman“- if you are a small breasted woman, your attraction to big breasts may be nothing more than about wishing and desiring that you had big breasts too.

    how can I be sure in my sexuality? how can I be sure that I’m not in denial? how can I date men thinking I may be in denial?… how can I be sure that I’m attracted to men and not women, and not doubt myself every time?“-  regular questions can be answered, but obsessive questioning is never satisfied with answers, not for long. At best, you feel better temporarily after receiving an answer, but not long after, the questioning awakens anew.

    “I was not diagnosed with OCD… I did read about it all – OCD , HOCD trying to figure out if it’s just intrusive thoughts or really my real sexuality… it takes so much energy. so much thoughts “-I recommend that you see a doctor and ask to be evaluated. If you receive a professional diagnosis, a plan of treatment can be made to treat what is so distressing to you. Can you make an appointment to be evaluated?

    anita

    #407351
    ro
    Participant

    i was not setisfied with my breasts for most of the time groing up until recent years, but no one likes his body at the young age i think (and this thinking can be calming but not for a lifetime) ..

    i know obsessive questioning is never satisfied with answers, i want it to stop and not exsit . i feel like even if i would be diagnoused it wouldent help because i would still have this inner thought that im forgetting something or ignoring something or something is wrong with me for having all of these thoughts and needing help , diagnosys/psychotherapy.. i feel like such a normal person other then that so i dont want that to be true or go to an evaluation deep inside. (im soory for not following this advice, i tried that already and it takes a lot of mental stability and energy which i dont have, i dont want to start that all over again after i was OK for a long time now until the doughts came back)

    again i thank you so much..

Viewing 15 posts - 211 through 225 (of 226 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.