Dear Addy:

“His intentions aren’t wrong and I do think that he has a soft spot for me as well“- if you had a child, a little boy, who trusts you and looks up to you (Addy) for love and protection, would you let your father (your boy’s grandfather) criticize your son like he criticized you, day after day (or once in a while), for as long as your father does it without the intention to hurt your boy, and for as long as he also has a soft spot for your child (between the criticisms)?

“And the thing is that if I disrespect him it would just hurt him more… Like if I do same thing he’s doing to me what’s difference between me and him?“- if you had a child, and you cared about your innocent child not being harmed (more than you cared about your father’s feelings), you would be different from your father, a different kind of father, and in a good way, wouldn’t you?

About your father’s intentions: when he was angry at you (“he’d get furious and scold me… angry for no reason”), I am sure that he did not have the intention to hurt you long-term: to the extent that you will not have an irl relationship with a woman,  and/ or to the extent that you will not be able to financially support him when he gets older. But of course he had the intention to hurt your feelings. I say of course, because naturally, when people and other animals feel anger, they have the intention to hurt the object of their anger. The intention to hurt is inherent in anger.

anita