Dear Tee and Dear Anita,

Tee Wrote*

If you believe that you cannot be honest with the other person, that you need to pretend to be perfect (perfectly happy and capable and optimistic and driven) – then no wonder you’ll feel trapped.

So it seems to me that you believe – due to your childhood conditioning – that you need to fake it in relationships, and you don’t want that. You’d rather be alone.

Anyway, that’s my best guess…

What do you think?

 Anita Wrote*
While I am at it, examples: Oct 2: “Dear Anita. How was your weekend?“, Oct 29: “Dear Anita: How are you? Good Plans for the weekend?” – too close, too friendly, we are not that close. Feels Fake to me.

I appreciate that. Maybe you’re right maybe you’re wrong I don’t know
But as of now I’m thinking like being fake like that takes an effort too. And I don’t think I’m that much effortful my relationships or with other people

I prefer authenticity that’s what I know
Because When I broke up with my 1^st gf (Not LDR) Just because she was trying to fit in with me. I knew she’s doing these things and showing she’s enjoying (More or less) Hiking and Walking for hours at the beach..etc but I knew she’d prefer more if it’s indoor activities
And that’s what you can say not being authentic or faking?

But what I agree with is this what you (Anita) told me before,

(2) your openings are very outgoing and very optimistic. Some people will like it, others will not feel anything in particular about it, and yet those of us who are significantly less outgoing and optimistic than you appear to be- will not like it. “I hope you’re having great Sunday morning“- is too optimistic for me: I am not in the habit of experiencing great mornings, nor do I expect great mornings, or great days: good is…  good enough for me.  When replying to a person’s message/ communicating with a person, pay attention to their style and somewhat adjust your outgoingness and optimism to theirs.

So that could be my communication part.

If (in another dimension) I was your age and I was your long-distance girlfriend, and this is how you opened your communications with me, I would feel inadequate for not having great and happy weekends myself, wondering:  what’s wrong with me for not having weekends as happy and as great as Addy’s?

Then my answer would No because in that case my opening communications would be lot different and even more on in your words “Extremely optimistic and outgoing”

I’m not sure how it’s in USA but things like this in my culture These are very basic gestures here

Dear Anita. How was your weekend?

Dear Anita, Hope you’re having a happy weekend

Have you eaten?

Did you sleep well?

How was your journey…etc

So again it’s my communication part

I should know that all doesn’t come from same culture. And different people take this in different ways.

Addy