Dear Tee,
How are you feeling today?

I see… your assumption here is that when you show weakness, you’ll be attacked. Although you said that when you did share some of your weaknesses and vulnerability, both of your girlfriends showed understanding for it. They didn’t attack you, condemn you or ridicule you.
…..Can you see now how our childhood experience shapes our worldview, i.e. the narrative we live and operate in? To you, showing weakness means being attacked. And this is probably what prevents you from emotional intimacy…

I mean yeah, I understand that. But that’s why I said I need to develop the trust first. And I do have trust issues as well so… Are you suggesting that I should be vulnerable and showing weakness with everyone? At this day and age?

You’re not a weak person – your parents gave you that message. They’ve convinced you that you are. And a part of you (your inner child) believes them. Another part fights against it. That’s the Protector, who says “you can’t hurt me, I’ll never admit that you’ve hurt me.”

You are indeed very resilient (you’ve lived on your own since you were 16 or 17, right?)… but regardless of that, a part of you (your wounded inner child) feels weak. And the Protector part will do anything in his power not to show it to anyone. The Protector part will do everything to appear strong and cool. That’s the part that often uses sarcasm…

Hmm Right I agree with this. And as I said before it’s the confusion and battle between these two things does tires me emotionally sometimes

Seems like you really want to be prepared for a “project” called relationship. You want to plan everything, so you wouldn’t fail and none of your weaknesses gets revealed, right? You want to pass it with flying colors…. But the thing is that if you plan too much, perhaps spontaneity is lost? If it’s a project, and you’re the project manager… what’s the role of your girlfriend? The one who goes along and fulfills the plan set by you? I am being provocative here on purpose, but do think about it….

Not quite. I mean planning as like go and visit things and just different activities from both side obviously.
And I’m actually a Product Manager so maybe that’s why I’m just more organizational.

I do like the spontaneity… However about the weaknesses I may or may not be afraid of that thing. Because I’m sharply honest… And another thing is that I think is weaknesses are just some things you haven’t learned yet and to be honest it can be fun too. So in my 1st relationship I didn’t knew how to drive that time.. So whenever we have to go out she used to drive and then later on she taught me too and It was really a fun experience. In 2nd relationship I learned that how much impatient I was with lot of things so I worked on that and I told her that as well. So I think it’s more like learning from each other and have fun with that.

But for emotional weaknesses in particular I haven’t revealed too much I accept that.

Yes, I understand… but I don’t think your reason for not settling is the fear of missing out. Because you said you’ve never approach the girl first – it’s always them who approached you. This tells me you’re not a butterfly, wandering from flower to flower, afraid to miss out… You might have been fine alone, had those girls not initiated a relationship with you.

That’s why I think your fear of settling and commitment is caused by what we’ve discussed above: your fear of showing weakness, i.e. being seen as weak.

When I said “Do not settle” mindset I meant more for like places because I’m just changing cities every few months. I need to explore lot of places and wonders of nature.

And Yeah I’d be fine without those girls, but the thing is that I’m grateful for that because all those girls taught me about myself (more or less) and also not to mention I’ve spent a quality time.

But yeah I do accept I fear being seen as weak.