So, I’ve changed my username to reflect less on my family. Anyways, I want to bring up the huge problem that I hate most jobs, almost all of them, that people can get without many years of education or physical/mental endurance I do not have due to various health conditions. Standing on my feet for an hour or more causes me severe physical pain and leads to flare ups of my Crohn’s disease, and therefore jobs that require this would reduce my lifespan and radically increase my physical suffering. Meanwhile, most entry level desk jobs would exacerbate my bipolar depression and anxiety. Being jobless, I manage to keep all three conditions in remission.

I wish to enter a relationship where my physical and psychological “needs”, as far as anyone needs anything beyond basic survival no matter how miserable, are taken care of. I consider this to involve; allowing me to help others, allowing me to help the environment, allowing me to help myself, allowing me to help my partner. my family, society, and to write, pursue science, study, literature, and art. Without a partner, the career that would be easiest for me to attain and be able to perpetually pursue, would be doing sexual acts on a webcam for people who would pay me. I do not fancy this career path. Otherwise, there’s true Buddhist monkhood, which truly tempts me, though I don’t know at all if I could 100% permanently rid myself of orgasm, which would expel me from the monkhood. If only we could try our best, and accept our occasional failures while remaining as monks, it would be perfect for me with the right sangha.

Barring that, I could try to be a life coach, try to crowdfund major things in my life, or star a website or youtube channel, or become a writer. Whilst I’ve been looking towards web design/development, I hate the type of work in the field, it’s very much an opposite of how my mind works in general. My family wants me to pursue it because it’s practical, though they’ve said they won’t kick me out while they’re alive, albeit I only 95% trust that. I hate the idea of it, whether I should allow myself to or not. I just hate what most jobs do to me physically and mentally, yet I feel it’s unlikely and unfair to expect to find someone who can support me in the ways I’d like to be supported. What are your thoughts on these matters?