Dear SereneWolf,

I hope you’ll be alright and may you able to create the healing energy for your own self.

thank you for your good wishes. I hope that healing energies will come both from within and without, as I start physical therapy 🙂

Yes you analysed it right. I was projecting my things on her. Which wasn’t healthy. But I believe I did learn some compassion from her. She was trying for that but I wasn’t listening and just blindly driven

Good that you’re aware of it now – that you were pushing her the same way you were pushing yourself to do more and better. So that’s one big lesson for your next relationship.

I also remember that you said you didn’t like her complaining, and so you offered various solutions to fix the problem. But probably you lacked one key step: showing empathy for her problems. Instead, you rushed to solutions immediately. There is a funny video about that, where this is taken to the extreme. It’s on youtube, titled “It’s not about the nail”, by Jason Headley”. Talks exactly about fixing vs just listening/empathizing…

I want to get married. I know that because I love kids. But if I get married now I do fear loss of freedom and it’s just that I just have lot to do, still lot to see in this world, lot to accomplish.

That’s fine, you don’t need to get married right away. You can find someone who, like you, isn’t rushing to get married, but wants to enjoy life, travel, perhaps accomplish some professional/career goals first… There are girls like that out there, not everyone wants to get married and have children right away.

You’d need to look for a compatible person, with similar goals and values, and also similar interests. She doesn’t have to like everything that you do, but there should be at least some compatibility, e.g. being an outdoors person, or loving adventure, or whatever is important to you. You can have a committed relationship with such a person, and yet, it wouldn’t require you to give up on some of your career or other life goals.

As per my situation 2 of my friends suggested me that. And it’s definitely new for me because I haven’t tried that before I know it’s really complex thing to do.

Well, guys like to suggest such things, but you said it yourself that it wouldn’t be fulfilling and it could indeed hurt you. It’s not even your style, and I know that if we force ourselves to do something that go against our principles, it’s never a good thing and we always get burned.

Is there something in between relationship middle of casual and committed?

As  I said, you can have a committed relationship with a compatible person, in which you feel free to be yourself and aren’t afraid of losing your freedom or giving up on some really important goals. I am not saying it’s easy to find such a person, but  it’s possible. What I am sure is that settling for casual relationships won’t help you find such a person…

I believe in safe sex or even being tasted first, so rare to none chance for STD

Good that you’re cautious!

Because one of the girl texted me to spend this weekend with her. To be honest at first, I was really tempted. But I do want to taking things slow and step by step as you said… So I told her for next week and maybe I’ll meet and see how things goes from there

Yes, you can try it and see if she is compatible to you, e.g. if she isn’t rushing to settle down but is more relaxed about it. Or if there are common interests that you can both enjoy in your free time. Or if she seems genuine, not pretending…

And yeah, I’m working on my compassion and empathy as well

Good to hear! Keep up the good work! 🙂