Dear SereneWolf,

Okay good, Be sure to update me.

Well, that was the initial check-up and I got some exercises to practice at home…  and then come back next week. So I’ve started doing those, and am hoping they’ll work…

Yes, that’s what I’m doing. With lot of communication even with my friends and teammates

Glad to hear you’re listening more and showing more empathy, before offering advice. And you’re right to apply it with your colleagues and friends too, not just your romantic interest…

And Today I had another therapy season. She said I’m doing lot better than she expected

Well, you’re working very diligently on your self, you’re very motivated, and that’s a positive side of being driven. What’s not so great is when you’re pushing yourself too hard, never being happy with yourself, judging yourself for not being good enough or fast enough. So, being motivated and driven: YES. But being like a drill sergeant to yourself: a big NO 🙂

Yet she told me she feels like I still have rigid layer around my heart. I’m more sensitive but changing my root beliefs and believe and love myself in healthier will take some more time

Can she intuitively feel the energies? A rigid layer around your heart could be the defense mechanism we’ve talked about: your fear of being emotionally hurt, and that’s why closing your heart and fearing intimacy. Because intimacy requires that we be vulnerable with the other person, that we show our weaknesses, but also that we admit how much we care about and depend on the other. That we admit that they can hurt us. That’s vulnerability.

If we fear being hurt, we’ll close our heart, and we won’t allow anyone to get near. But we’ll also stay alone… So vulnerability is not a weakness, it’s actually a precondition for intimacy and happiness.

And she gave me good example of window glass. What happens when you throw rock at the window glass? Not just that injure the people inside. Rigid things break easily. So let it at ease. Let it feel things let it be softer

Yes, that’s also a good analogy. In my mind, this rigid layer around the heart is more like a metal shield – protects the heart from being hurt, but doesn’t let anything/anyone inside. In order to soften things up, you’d need to remove the shield at least partially…

Now thinking about your dynamic with girls, it could be that after the initial exuberance and vulnerability that you feel towards the girl (feeling very much in love, writing poems…), the fear comes up – the fear that you’ll be hurt. And so the shield goes up and you perhaps enter the drill sergeant mode, putting yourself in a superior position, trying to “improve” her… which helps you to feel less vulnerable. Because if you feel in charge and have the upper hand in the relationship, you feel she can’t hurt you as much?

I am just musing here…. let me know if any of this rings true?