Hey Tee

Just letting you know you’ve been really helpful. I have a lot of support outside of here but just thought I’d let you know that you have given me a great deal of support yourself and it’s a blessing.

I think that’s what has made it more difficult for me. My desire to help others has just been thrown away. Even after everything she’s put me through which I know I deserve a lot better, I still can’t resist the urge to want to help her. I guess it says a lot about my character. I just wish she would’ve allowed me in for support. Who knows maybe she still will, for now I’m stuck in limbo.

I honestly do believe it is my fault a bit because I failed to get her the proper help she needs, maybe my persistence was too much for her. I know there isn’t anything wrong with me yet I do ponder of the what ifs. What could I have done differently etc. But I know I gave my all in the end it’s just a kick in gut when she didn’t want to better herself and make the changes. It’s hurts to hear she doesn’t feel safe in the relationship. I worry about the future for this reason, what if the next person she changes for? What if she feels comfortable getting the help she needs and works on herself for them and for her? I would be upset if that’s the case.

She said that the leaving and running away was a trauma response so it makes sense. So she was even aware of it herself which is so frustrating considering she didn’t want to realise that and change and justified leaving me with other reasons. I really do feel like she has tried to make me feel pity on top of manipulating me even if that was unintentional.

You’re right no one knows what she is thinking, not even she does. I know she would be in a bad place though deep down. I don’t know what will happen but I feel like now the more we drift apart the more she tells herself it was me that was making her feel what she felt.

Time is all I can give but I don’t think this girl was any good for me as that is what everyone is telling. From the outside it’s easier to see but the facts are all there. Why else would she be on a dating app? I am obviously heart broken and think I will be left with real abandonment issues after this. It wasn’t fair on me at all, she dragged me through the mud. A friend had a good perception that I may be picturing her highs as very high because her lows were very low, do you think this could be the case?