Hi Adam,

I use to feel like she didn’t love me at times when I was younger but it was like you said, I didn’t want to disappoint her and she was only wanting the best for me.

May I ask what she was doing (or not doing) that made you feel like she didn’t love you?

I don’t remember trying to save people when I was younger, it could be I was trying to save myself through intimate partners? It did make me feel good knowing I have someone close in that sense.

Okay, so the desire to save people only developed later, perhaps only with this girl?

Talking about her own issues and she doesn’t want to do damage to others. She obviously cares for me but is she trying to make me pity her? I’m not sure.

I don’t think she is looking for pity. I think she is telling you why she can’t really function in a relationship. Although if she isn’t willing to go to therapy and chooses to suffer alone, that would indicate a certain helplessness and victim mentality – like giving up on herself, thinking nothing will help.

She does want me in her life and told me that talking to me matters a lot to her which is confusing. She is also confused.

So if she gave up on herself but still wants you in your life to talk to her and cheer her up – it would be like having a depressed friend who needs someone to complain to, but doesn’t really want to do anything to help themselves. If she is like that, it would be like you trying to cheer her up, make her feel better, but eventually not succeeding because she doesn’t want to deal with her core issues, i.e. her trauma.

Yes this girl was never too much for me despite all her issues.

Based on her behavior, she does seem like a handful. But for some reason, you have a need to be around her and help her. Perhaps you need to feel helpful and needed, and that your help is appreciated? Whereas in your childhood, with your mother, your efforts were somehow not appreciated and nothing you did could make your mother happy? Just speculating here, please let me know if this is off track…