Hey SereneWolf,

I am doing similarly, still no big breakthrough in healing…

Oh good! Here’s another one I kinda created from the conversation we had, I am enough, just as I am, and I am worthy of all the good things that life has to offer.

That one is great too!

No actually not turning against me but like fake youj know?… I don’t like those kinds of people who just do something for me just because they want something from me. That’s not love. That’s simply like a business transaction. For example when I decide to help someone I don’t think I should only help this person if someday he/she can help me

Yeah I know what you mean – when you feel that their kindness is not sincere, but it comes with an expectation of you doing them a favor in the future, of giving them something in return. Yes, I’ve met such people. Don’t like them either…

Yes I’m keeping my cool but like you said sometimes I’m just boiling inside

Right, you seem “calm and composed”, but that’s because you’re good at controlling yourself and not letting it show. But inside, you feel very angry. As I said, I think a part of that anger isn’t related to the actual person standing in front of you, but it’s the anger at your father… and so you overreact (internally) to the person, although it doesn’t show on the outside. Or at least it’s not so obvious…

Ah right it’s been a while since I did journaling, I should start this good habit. But for this setting I should just write down what I feel and how can I make it better?

There is this youtube channel that I like, called the Crappy Childhood Fairy, which is focused on healing from C-PTSD. And she teaches a method of daily journaling, which she calls “The Daily Practice.” The video describing it is titled “Calm Anxiety – Learn this simple technique 15 minutes“. She explains how she writes down all her fears and resentments, meditates on it a little, and then she asks God (for those who believe) to remove them. Or for non-believers, they can say they are ready to release those fears and resentments.

I do it a little differently, but I do write things down, and usually have some insight about what’s behind my fear or resentment, and it makes me feel better.

Oh right you explained it very well. So I just need to make myself feel worthy again?

Yes, you’d need to really accept that you are worthy, special and unique. That you have gifts and talents, and that your contribution is important and valuable. That you and your contribution matter. That you are important.

Do you think you could do it, or you still have doubts?