Hola Tee,

I am doing similarly, still no big breakthrough in healing…

Ohh you still haven’t found a good doctor?

Yeah I know what you mean – when you feel that their kindness is not sincere, but it comes with an expectation of you doing them a favor in the future, of giving them something in return. Yes, I’ve met such people. Don’t like them either…

Sometimes I wonder if it’s the same with my parents. I mean it could be just innocent love to their kids. But just because they provided me in the childhood now they’re expecting things from me?

Right, you seem “calm and composed”, but that’s because you’re good at controlling yourself and not letting it show. But inside, you feel very angry. As I said, I think a part of that anger isn’t related to the actual person standing in front of you, but it’s the anger at your father… and so you overreact (internally) to the person, although it doesn’t show on the outside. Or at least it’s not so obvious…

Yeah that’s right

There is this youtube channel that I like, called the Crappy Childhood Fairy, which is focused on healing from C-PTSD. And she teaches a method of daily journaling, which she calls “The Daily Practice.” The video describing it is titled “Calm Anxiety – Learn this simple technique 15 minutes“. She explains how she writes down all her fears and resentments, meditates on it a little, and then she asks God (for those who believe) to remove them. Or for non-believers, they can say they are ready to release those fears and resentments.

I do it a little differently, but I do write things down, and usually have some insight about what’s behind my fear or resentment, and it makes me feel better.

I’ve watched the video and it seems really on point so basically the idea is just putting down your negative thoughts on paper because PTSD mind is mostly dysregulated. Right?

Also she said anyone who gone thorough abuse would most probably have dysregulated mind and therefore symptoms of C-PTSD

I also took her free test for today and now I’m more firm that I may have C-PTSD

I’ve just tried the method today and I’m kind of feeling like less weight of fears already. I’m also trying to find insights, but I guess I’m just tired today.

Do you think you could do it, or you still have doubts?

Well currently I’m just trying affirmations but the thing is that I’m not used to tell myself nicer things, so I have to dig deeper and find my unique and skills and abilities.

I took time to write because I was busy and frustrated with work, I think I’m still very much of a result-driven person. Because I’m working on this project for so long trying different strategies but getting the same result and less efficient. It’s really making me feel down and questioning my abilities.