Hi Tom,

This is where I feel we need to separate family from peers. As Roberta rightly said, we cannot choose our family.

It is true that we cannot choose our family. However, we can still separate ourselves, or not be completely enmeshed and dependent on them, if possible. Roberta gave some great examples of how you can still interact with problematic family members, and yet make it more on your terms, with conditions that are more acceptable to you, so you don’t get too upset and perhaps overreact.

wherein your family members/member is constantly making you late

Based on how you phrased it, this seems like a situation where you go somewhere together with this family member, and they are either driving you to the location, or you are the driver but feel obliged to wait for them, which results in being late to the appointment. If that’s the case, and you’ve already talked to them but to no avail, perhaps you can try something different. For example, if you are driving, you can tell them to be on time or you’ll leave without them (and you mean it). Or if they are driving, you can find an alternative mode of transportation, so you don’t dependent on them.

My point is: the less dependent you are on the person, i.e. the more you can find alternatives for interacting, which make you less dependent on them – the less helpless you’ll feel, and therefore, less triggered too.