Dear Anita,

To answer your questions:

1- After the tickling I backed away for maybe 10 minutes, then I felt bad because he looked almost ashamed of what he “did”…(perhaps how his mother made him feel like a bad/ immoral kid)  2- Yes. I told him I was sorry for making him feel like he was bad or was hurting me. When I told him I was cold/held affection because I needed space after being triggered by my past, he called it an excuse, excusing my reaction. 3- Interesting yes. But I felt angry that he was not trying to come make amends. Then after about 10 min my heart softened to how he was feeling. 4- Not quite, because I like what I call “active cuddling,” where I feel his movement, touching my hair, or rubbing my back. I often feel like getting up and moving around if we are just laying there, which is what he prefers (to just lay there). Whenever I want his version of cuddling it is typically available, but I often don’t want just that unless I am tired. But this could also have to do with the fact he works soooo much, so he is often very tired and I think just has the energy to lay there. He started a painting company and has been working nonstop the past 2 months, to the point where yesterday he even told me he forgot to eat. He does not get enough sleep, he has a hard time not answer a work call on a Sunday, when we have a relax day. He has to ask me to take his phone away, or turn it off completely.

 “I don’t remember if we talked about psychotherapy, but given that your father is financially well-off, it will be very appropriate for him to pay for such.”

Money is a very touchy subject with my dad. He holds it over peoples head, has high expectations in return (like my need to text him while I was at college all the time that “I appreciate you” “thank you” “I couldn’t do this without you” etc. This is my first year 100% financial independent from him so it makes me nervous to ask for anything money related. When money is involved the caring dad goes away and the one who is afraid he is being taken advantage of surfaces and it is a place of great paranoia and fear. Many people have taken advantage of him, his own dad and perhaps my mom once upon a time.

“He lets go of things quite fast“- there is an advantage to having a TM. I would like to have more Teflon in mine!

being somewhere in the middle of the TM Spectrum is probably a good idea; to apply Teflon selectively, depending on the topic and circumstances.

Do you know how a feeler can learn to gain teflon and vise versa?

-and yet, you’ve been doubting the relationship and thinking a lot about breaking up with him for a long time:

Yes, this is why my mind hasn’t rested because it is at war. You’ve now seen a glimpse into what I love about him, but when I feel unseen or that distance between us, due to the TF, I want to run to someone who does see me. The fact he doesn’t SEE me is what makes me still doubt we are soulmates.

I was wondering earlier, before getting to the computer this morning, are you familiar with the term Relationship OCD (R-OCD) and did you ever consider that it may apply to you?

As I read this I almost laughed because of how relatable the term is, no I haven’t heard of it, but it must apply to me. I think about it way too much, it is consuming. But what feels consuming is the decision, and feeling I am running out of time if I want a relationship I can build and have a strong foundation, then introduce a family into.

Sending gentle waves 🙂

Seaturtle